This morning

This morning Jaxson woke me up at 6am to eat. This is a little earlier than I'd like but he let me get almost 6 straight hours of sleep so how could I not. Anyway, he got done eating around 6:40 which gave me about 30 minutes to go back to bed. Instead of putting him back in the PNP like I usually do, I put him in bed with us. He was all warm and cuddly in his new fleece sleep sack. I put him close to me and held his little hands and caressed his face and he fell right back to sleep. Occasionally he would squeeze my hand as if to say hi mom thanks for letting me sleep up here with you guys. I would normally just go back to sleep at this point but instead I just cuddled him and listened to him breathe and make little baby noises for a half hour. Wonderful way to start my day.

Some milestones

Things I've noticed Jax doing now:

• Looking at his little hands in wonder in front of his face.
• He can grasp a rattle.
• He found his feet but doesn't care much about them yet.
• He likes to hear himself talk and coo.
• He is laughing all the time now.
• He can stand up from a reclined position (by holding on to my fingers)
• His neck muscles are getting very strong.
• He's got good kicking skills
• He is sticking his tongue out at us.
• He can find me across the room.
• He knows our voices, he gets excited hearing us talk to him over the phone.
• He rolls from side to side but not all the way over yet.
• He can poop through a diaper like it's no ones business.

1 week down

Well, we both made it through a full week of me working and Jax going to daycare. I could tell a little difference in his eating habits with me but he seemed pretty happy to get his alone time with me too. I was so looking forward to the weekend but when the weekend came, I had so much I needed to fit into it, that I still need another day to do it all now. Working motherhood sucks. Not enough time in the day to do it all. I miss my baby.

1st visit with Santa

Jax did such a good job visiting with Santa. He wasn't afraid or anything. He seemed to be a bit fascinated by him. He was so alert to all the lights and took great pictures. Kylee took one for the team and sat on Santa's lap so we could get a picture of both of them. I can't wait for him to see our house light up and decorated this year. I think he will really like the lights and the fire in the fireplace. He is just the cutest little baby in the world.

First day

First day of daycare for Jax and first day back at work for me. Let me just talk about Jaxson's first day since his was much better than mine. He started his day at 4:30am tossing and turning. I tried to get him to go back to sleep but by 5:15, I gave up and fed him. I went back to bed for 45 minutes and then I was up for the day. There is a big difference between waking up at 6:30am feeding a baby and going back to sleep for 3 more hours and waking up at 6:30am, feeding at baby and going to work for 10 hours. The latter one sucks. Anyway, he was a happy baby all morning. the closer I got to daycare the more I almost cried, but I sucked it up the best I could. I dropped him off at 7:30. He laughed at me a couple of times and I held him for a few minutes before I left. I left him with a smile on his face and a tear in my eye. I got to work and the first hour seemed like 4. The day dragged on and on and it wasn't even lunch yet. My boobs were killing me since I fed him so early so I pumped around 9:30. Then I pumped again after lunch. And then again before I went home. Each time was harder and harder. For one thing, my boobs aren't used to being pumped that often in a row, so it hurt and all I could think about while I was in there pumping was that I should be holding my baby feeding him, not sitting in a closet looking into a filing cabinet using a machine. But I made it through my day without crying so far. Finally it was time to go home. I picked Jaxson up and the teacher said he did very well. He played and laughed and smiled and he is very strong. But he also has a set of lungs on him and they had to change his outfit 4x because he spit up so much. Overall, though, he had a good day. When I got there, he was sleeping like a baby. Once I put him into his carseat, he woke up and gave me a smile. Broke my heart. I got into the car and he started to cry, so I started to cry and kept crying off and on all night. Jaxson just ate and went to bed and ate and went to bed again for the night. Is that all the interaction I get with my kid now?
Overall, it was a very long and hard day for me and I guess I will never know how it really was for him. I just don't want to lose the bond that we've created over the past 3 months. I'm sad. Everyone says it gets better, but we will see. Day 2 isn't much better so far but at least I got more sleep last night.

Growing up

My baby is growing up so fast already. I love to watch him sleep. He sleeps with one or both arms either behind his head or covering his face with his little hands in a fist. He is giggling and cooing so much now. It's so wonderful waking up and rolling over to see him awake waiting for me to pick him up to eat. When he sees my face, his little face lights up knowing that his mama is there to get him. It melts my heart. He is discovering new things all the time now. He has figured otu that those things on the end of his arms are hands and they can pick things up or he can suck on them. Sometimes he will just hold his hand in front of this face and stare at it in amazement. Tony is having a lot of fun with him now too. They have their own little rituals. Tony puts him to bed at night and sings his little burritos song to him. Tony is so gentle with him at times but he is also a boy playing with his boy doing boy things. It's very cute.

We are still trying to figure out if he is gonna be a redhead or not. In certain lighting, he is definietly red but in others, he looks brownish. Who knows, it's all good.
He had his first Thanksgiving at G&G Ricciardo's yesterday. He was such a good boy for everyone. I can't wait to see how he is at Christmas with all the lights and stuff.

I'm still in amazement that this little kid came out of me.

Newest pics

Sweet baby smirking

With his newest cousin Bethany

Happy Halloween

Such a happy baby.

Poop

I thought breast fed baby poop was not supposed to stink until you started adding solids. Granted, he does get 2 formulas a day, but it has only recently gotten to the point of making me gag. Even after I clean him up, the smell seems to linger. I'm sure this is just my imagination but still. Every morning he pushes out something nasty. And when he goes, he explodes. I thought I had a free pass until solids but I guess I was wrong. Can't wait to see what that will smell like. Ugh! Gross.

2 month shots

Jaxson went in for his 2 month shots today. He did so well. Of course he cried but not for very long. I just held his arms and talked to him while the nurse did her thing. I didn't watch but I could tell once she did the first shot because his eyes widened real wide with a look of what the crap just happened to me, and then he screamed. By the time he stopped crying, it was time for the 2nd and 3rd shots, he got the same look and cried and screamed. I had to tell him to breathe, not that he understood me, but whatever. Once I put the pacifier in his mouth, he pretty much soothed himself down. He cried his first real tears today. They were streaming down his face, it was so sad. He was a real trooper though and didn't cry anymore after that. We went home, ate and went to bed. I'm sure he will sleep a little longer today which is fine.

New pics

Me and Jaxson in his cowboy outfit which I had to cut off to get him out of it. I didn't know there were snaps in the back. Oh well. :-P

Me and Jax playing around with the camera. He was so interested in looking at it.

Such a cutie.

My sweet sleeping boy.

Jax in his Halloween costume. He was such a good sport.

Coo and a smile

Jaxson as cooing now and he is officially smiling for real. No more guessing if it's gas or not. It's so cute that he recognizes me now and occassionally I'll get a little grin from him. At first you can tell he is gonna smile by his eyes. His little eyes just light up and squint a little and then this little crocked smiles shows up. It's so cute. He is making little baby sounds now too. Cooing and awing.

1 month Dr. visit

FINALLY!!! Jaxson finally made it back to his birth weight. He now weighs 8 lbs 3 oz again. Way to go. He is now 21.75 inches so he grow a half an inch. His head is 15 inches around. Doctor says everything else looks good too.
I met with a lactation consultant today. She said wathced me feed him and she weighed him to see how much milk he is getting. She said he is getting a good amount and latching on well. She jsut said I need to feed him more often if I want to get my supply up to be able to breast feed when I go to work in 2 months. The schedule they want you to keep is crazy, I think I would have a meltdown if I did it. So I'm gonna do my best do what I can and see how it goes.

1 month old

Well, Jaxson is 1 month old today. Can't believe its been that long already. He is more alert now and getting so cute everyday. I've noticed that he is studying us more when he is awake. He just looks at us and makes little faces. He smiles occassionally but I don't think it's on purpose yet but we are getting there. Hopefully that will happen ths month. He is such a good baby. He only cries when he is hungry or when we are annoying him by bathing him or changing his diaper. He likes to have his face kissed on each side and turns toward you as if to kiss you back. It's very cute. He loves to be outside and see the shadows and light that the sun makes, but he also falls asleep in his stroller after a few minutes. We can't figure out if he likes being swaddled or not. He fights it but he sleeps better when he is swaddled. We've tried leaving him out of it but his little arms just flail about and hit him i the face so he can't fall asleep. I've finally learned how to swaddle, not very good but I can do it now. Tony has something about him that just calms him much more easily than I do. He is more patient and doesn't get as flustered as I do I guess. He is the baby whisperer at night. :-)

I really wish we could start letting him sleep more at night, but we are still trying to get his weight up. So we are still on a 2.5 hr feeding schedule during the day and a 3-3.5 hr schedule at night. I have to go to the doctor tomorrow and I'm sure he will yell at me again because he is not gaining at the speed he wants him to. We are trying our hardest though.

Overall, it's been an exciting, interesting, exhausting, and educational month. We are all figuring each other out more and more each day.

Weight check & 3 week pics.

It's been a week since Jaxson's last weight check. He weighed 7lbs 9 oz last Thrusday, today he weighs 7lbs 12 oz. Yeah he gained weight but the doctor still says it is not enough. He only gained half of what he should have in a week. He is supposed to be gaining an ounce a day and he only gained 1/2 ounce a day. So he told me I need to figure outif I am producing enough milk or not. Also, I need to put him on the boob for 15 min, burp him and then put him on the other boob for 15 min. Everyone tells mesomething different how the heck am I supposed to get it right with such conflicting responses from doctors? At least I didn't get yelled at this time. It was a different doctor. He said it's good he is gaining but he needs to pick up the pace at this point. So, I'm still stressed over all this but at least he is gaining something. If I have to do more formula then so be it, but I'm not gonna give up the breast feeding. We go back on Monday for his 1 month checkup so hopefully this weekend we can fatten him up some more. This is so frustrating.

Failure to Thrive

Failure to Thrive, what a terrible thing for a first time mom to see written about your baby. That hurts my heart just writing it. I know it isn't my fault, but it still doesn't make me feel any better.

This has a been a very trying week. Jaxson had his 2 week check up on Monday. We get there and they ask the normal questions for a physical, then they take him to be weighed. Last time we were there was when he was 5 days old and he weighed must have weighed about 7 lbs. He had lost some extra weight after being born which is normal. So when they weighed him on Monday he only weighed 7 lbs 3 ozs. The doctor started freaking out about how he hadn't gained enough of his weight back yet. He said we had to make sure nothing was wrong so he sent us for more tests, which meant more heel pricks for our baby. We had lots of questions for the doctor but he kinda rushed us tothe hospital. So they took 3 vials of blood and they asked us to wait 15 min to make sure it was a good draw. Sure enough, the nurse comes out and says they have to do it again because the draw was bad. I had already been crying since being in the dr. office and having to get him stuck again just killed me. So, we did the draw again and finally it was good to test. We got the test back later that day and of course they were fine. I never thought anything was wrong with him, I was just exhausted and sad for him.

So we get a call from the doctor and he says we had to supplement formula every 4 hours. So we had to feed him every 2 hours for the next 3 days. Luckily the grandparents and my sister were able to help out and let us sleep for a bit or we would have been wiped out. He said if Jaxson didn't gain weight by today, then he would have to put him in the hospital. Long story short, after a long and very tiring week, Jaxson gain 6 ozs. So now he weighs 7 lbs 9 ozs. We still have to feed him more often but we can start to extend it now and I don't have to give him formula unless I need to. We have to go back again for a weight check next Thursday just to make sure whatever we are doing is still working.

We think the problem was that I was breastfeeding him incorrectly. I was feeding him for 10 minutes on each breast instead of letting him finish one whole side so he could get the fatty milk that comes at the end of the session. Basically I was giving him skim milk. I was justfollowing what I was told from the hospital. They tell you so many things when you are on drugs and out of it, so maybe they told me something different but I don't know. It's all so confusing.

2 week pic

Looking a lot like daddy this week.

Such a sweet boy.

First week

The first week with Jaxson has pretty much been a blur. We had family over to help us out which was great. I know we wouldn't have been able to do it alone. It's been trying at times and really neat at times. I've had a few breakdowns in the midst of all this but I know it will all get easier as all 3 of us get to know each other better and Jaxson gets bigger. Tony has done so good at being a dad so far. He has taken to it so naturally and I knew he would all along. I, on the other hand have been trying to get better from my c-section so I have missed out on some of the bonding time that everyone else has had with him. I know it will all change as family isn't here everyday help us take care of him and I will be his main caretaker during the day. I'm still very emotional about having the c-section. I don't know why exactly. Too many hormones going through me right now. Can't wait for those to go away or at least settle down at bit. Overall, it has been a blessed week, ready for week 2.

Little things

Some little things I've learned about Jaxson so far.

1. He cries like a girl, which is so cute. But then again, maybe all babies cry like girls at first.
2. He will occassionally purr when nursing.
3. He has Tony's eyes.
4. He is a trooper. Got stuck inthe heel 3x last week for jaundice and barely cried.
5. He is stubborn like his mom and dad.
6. He likes to sleep on his side.
7. He has big hands and feet.
8. He likes the right boob, doesn't care for the left. I find this strange and frustrating.
9. He also like to play for a few minutes before breastfeeding, I'm told this is called Mouthing.
10. He is such a sweet boy.
11. He can already hold his pacifier in his mouth.
12. He loves his daddy and mommy.
13. He likes to go outside and look at the sky.
14. He likes to be swaddled but also fights to get his hands out during the night.
15. He has an angel kiss above his right eye.

Welcome to the world Jaxson Blake Ricciardo

Jaxson Blake Ricciardo entered the world at 6:37pm on Friday, September 3, 2010. He weighed 8.3 pounds and was 21.25 inches long. He has light brown/blondish hair. He came out screaming bloody murder and didn't stop for about a half hour. I had to have a c-section because we had some complications with his bp dropping really low with the contrations and I hadn't progressed at all in 3 hours. His head was starting to become coneheaded. So the doctor said it was the only way to get him out without putting both of us at risk. As soon as Iheard I had to have the c-section I began to cry. This was not the way I wanted things to go. I was so scared but everyone reassured me it would be okay and I'd see my baby boy in a few minutes. Tony got in his scrubs and my mom kissed me and cried as we went on our way.

The c-section wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I thought it would hurt but it didn't. I'm glad they didn't tell me when they were going to start opening me up because it would have made it worse. Tony stayed behind the curtain with me and before we even knew they began, we heard this crazy loud scream coming from Mr. Jaxson. Tony stood up and saw them pulling him out of me. He said it was really neat. He got to watch them sew my uterus upwhile it was on my chest. Jaxson just screamed the whole time even after they took him out of the room. They laid him on my chest and I met my boy. He was so cute and small. Tony looked so proud and happy in the pictures we took. The doctor said once he got in there, my uterus was swelling so the c-section was the only way to get him out safetly and he was glad we decided to do it. That made me feel much better about it.

They had to take me to recovery for a couple of hours. My epidural was making me shake so bad that I thought I was gonna shatter my teeth. They had to give me 4 shots of demerol to get it to stop. Tony took the baby to show everyone while I was in there.

We had lots of visitors throughout the weekend. We went home on Monday, September 6. Everything is pretty much a blur at the moment. I'm still trying to remember as much as I can.

Last day with an inside baby

Well, it looks like tomorrow is the day. I really don't think he is coming on his own today so we will just have to give him a push (no pun intended) tomorrow. My body has slowly lost steam this week. I feel pretty crappy and just ready to get the show on the road. I feel a little sad and guilty about this week because I really don't feel that excited or scared or anything other than ready to get this baby out of me and start our next chapter. I haven't really been able to enjoy this last week with him inside me because I am just so over being pregnant at this point. I don't know if other people feel this way or not but that's just how I feel right now. I know tomorrow I will feel completely different about everything and I will be excited and scared and everything else that comes along with all this but for now, I'm over it all. Tomorrow I will probably be a mess of emotions and that's okay.

Overall, I've enjoyed parts of being pregnant and I've loathed parts of being pregnant. Would I do it again in the future? Probably maybe. At least next time I will have an idea of what I'm in for. I've enjoyed the kicks and wiggles and loathed the devil that is acid reflux.

Baby,
We are excited and scared to welcome you into our world tomorrow. I hope we can be the best parents that we can be. We will love you and protect you with eveything we have. See you soon.

God,
Please watch over us and keep us all safe and healthy. I know I'm asking a lot but please make tomorrow as pain free and stress free as possible and give us strength and courage to get through the long day. And thanks for blessing us with this little miracle baby.

Stay tuned...