Bronchiolitis

Jax has bronchiolitis, basically a baby form of bronchitis.  He has been miserable for about 5 days now and he was just getting worse and worse, so I took him to the doctor yesterday.  Got a breathing treatment.  Now he's on 3 meds which he doesn't like the taste of one bit.  He slept most of the day yesterday.  When he would briefly wake up, I felt like I had missed him even though I had been with him all day.  He was a trooper though, giving me a smile even though I know he felt like crap.  It was so sad seeing him so miserable.  He actually gave me a few hugs for the first time.  Every now and then, I would just watch his little chest move up and down making sure he was still breathing.  I know I'm not the only mom who does this, so I don't feel like a freak.  He slept much better last night so maybe the meds are working...hopefully.  He weighs 16 pounds now.

5 months

Well, at 5 months:

• Jax is weighing in at around 16.2 pounds.  He feels like more sometimes. 
• He is babbling all the time now and talks and laughs with us. 
• He is a big flirt, always batting his big ole eyes at me and then giving me a big spitty laugh. 
• He loves to blow spit bubbles all the time so his face is always a mess. 
• Joy and Sadie have become a little more interesting to him lately.  He will watch them go by and try to grab their fur if he can get it.  Gotta watch him with Sadie though, since she's a grump. 
• He can roll over from front to back now but still gets frustrated if he gets stuck. 
• He is more interested in his toys and he loves his little stuffed monkey whose cheeks glow red and sings a song. 
• He is cuddling into my neck and actually holding on as we wander around from place to place. 
• Still no teeth yet. 
• Cradle cap is making a comeback.  I just hope we can get it under control before it gets as bad as it was. 
• His sleeping habits suck.  He has started waking up twice a night again, so I'm only getting about 3-4 hours sleep at a time. 
• We gave him bananas yesterday and he made a face at first but then he liked them.  But boy did he stink a little bit after that.  I can't even imagine how this kid is gonna smell once we get lots of solids in him.  Ugh! 
• He is sitting up for a couple of seconds on his own now.  But he doesn't like sitting, all he wants to do is stand.
• He is very attached to me.  I can let others hold him but he wants to know that I'm there or he'll cry.  Family excluded.
• He is such a sweet boy and so easy going.  Good baby.

Carry on

Tony and I took Jax out for a walk in the baby carrier for the first time this weekend.  We tried it on me a while ago and Jax hated it, so Tony suggested we try it again.  I told him he could do it this time since I'm still having issues with my back.  Sure enough, Jax loved it.  We put his little sunglasses on and went on our way around the neighborhood.  They both looked so cute together.  Jax looked like he was on a fun ride and kept smiling and you could tell that Tony even thought it was fun.  We looked like a proud little family walking around knowing how freaking cute we looked.  We'll have to do it again soon.  Maybe I'll try it next time.

Tony & Jax

It's so neat to see Tony with Jax.  He's gotten so comfortable with him.  If I'm holding Jax, and Tony is in the room, Jax is all about making faces with his daddy and doing silly spitting noises.  He sings little songs for him too. Tony likes to say he's indifferent to Jax, but when he's with him, everyone around him can see that he loves that little guy.  I think he's a little embarrassed to show it, so he denies it, but it's obvious.  Jax just loves his daddy too.

Growth pictures

Here he is from his introduction to the world to a few days ago.  He is getting so big and fun.  Love him.

Rolling over

I think we have a roller on our hands.  We laid him on the blanket in the living room and Tony kept propping him up on his arms.  He cried and fussed and wiggled and I guess he finally got mad enough that he kicked correctly and threw his body in the right direction and he rolled over.  He didn’t want to do it again though.  He kept trying to roll but his arm got in his way.

My lil redheaded pale baby

I am as pale as they come.  I hated it growing up, being all freckled and white.  I've never been a beach bunny, even when I had the body for it because beach bunnies are tan.  One year in high school, I wanted a tan so bad, I mixed baby oil and iodine together, slathered it on and laid out all summer with my best friend (who was as tan as they come).  What did I get from it?  Not much of a tan, just lots of sunburns and peels.  Peer pressure I guess.  I still haven't come to terms that I will never be tan but I'm getting more okay with it.  Growing up, if you asked anyone who knows me what kind of guy I wanted to marry when I grew up and they would say...someone with dark skin so my babies will have a tan.  So, here I am, married to a guy with Italian blood running through his veins, one who gets pretty tan when he wants to and my kid's skin is porcelin white and he looks as though he will have some sort of red in his hair.  I thought I would be giving my kid a chance mixing it up with Tony's genes but no such luck.  Jax is an angelicly porcelin pale skinned red head.  Go figure.  He's beautiful and perfect. :-)

Amen!

Finally, after almost 2 weeks of crying everytime I tried to breastfeed Jax, he nursed last night without a peep.  I was so nervous he would get upset in the middle of it, that I didn't move an inch the entire time and I only took shallow breaths but it was worth it.  Hopefully we will get back on schedule now.

Wave

Is it too soon for Jaxson to be waving at me?  I swear he has waved at me several times the past few days.  I'll wave and say hi and he waves his little hand.  Maybe he doesn't know what he's doing but it sure looks like a wave hello.

Bad mama

I felt like a bad mother yesterday.  I took the day off to just get some sleep and hang out with Jax and just relax.  Well, my day didn't go at all as I planned.  I woke up with a sore throat, headache and my ears hurt.  So I ended up at the doctor's office, got some meds and went home.  I treated myself to a DQ blizzard thinking that would make me feel a little better, but all it did was remind me that I need to lose weight, so I felt guilty about eating it.  Oh well, I ate it anyway.  Jax has been teething or something for the past week and has been very irritable when it comes time to eat.  All weekend he gave me trouble breastfeeding.  He did fine eating from the bottle but when it came from me, he refused almost everytime.  We tried giving him Tylenol and Orajel but they only worked if I  fed him like an hour after giving it to him, so in the meantime, he would be screaming or whining.  You can't really time when a baby is hungry.  They are when they are and they let you know if you are late.  I was getting very frustrated and feeling rejected.  I know it isn't his fault but I couldn't help but be a little resentful to the little guy.  All I could think of was that he is gonna ruin my supply and we are gonna have to stop breastfeeding if he didn't wise up and eat from me.  Why can't he realize what a good thing we've got going here?  This is our time together and he's ruining it.  I ahd to pass him off to Tony a few times because I was so frustrated.  I know he could feel my frustration and that was part of the problem.  I know he is in pain and can't help it if it feels better to eat from the bottle.  I just felt like a terrible mama yesterday for having those thoughts.  I'm sure it's normal to feel this way from time to time but I still felt bad.  Tony doesn't understand any of it.  I swear sometimes he is just so basic in his thinking.  He has no empathy and says the wrong things at the wrong times sometimes.  If he has never experienced it, he doesn't get it.  Anyway, this isn't about him.  Jax had a terrible night which means we all had a terrible night.  I thought he was asleep and went in the room to go to bed only to find him wide awake.  I gave him to Tony thinking he would go back to sleep pretty easy, having just been fed, but no, he screamed for an hour and a half.  Nothing could console him.  We tried feeding him again, burping him, rocking him, putting him in the swing, playing with him, nothing worked.  So I fed him another ounce and he was out like a light for the rest of the night at 1 am.  So much for my restful day with my kid.

4 month shots and appt

We went to get his 4 month shots yesterday, and after sitting in the waiting room for an hour and then sitting in the exam room for almost another hour, we finally got it done.  This time he was more aware and looking around at all the dinosaur images on the walls but he kept getting ansy in the long wait.  It sucks that it takes this long to get them done.  Not fun trying to entertain a baby in a doctor's office for 2 hours but I did it.  He fell asleep a couple of times and we played on the table for a while but by the time the nurse came in to give the shots, we were both ready to go.  She did them much faster than the last time.  3 shots in the legs.  He screamed like I have never heard before.  I had to tell him to breathe (not that he understood me or anything) but once he started sucking on his pacifier he settled down and within 5 minutes he was back to his happy little self.  then we went home and ate some lunch and we both passed out for about 2 hours.  This mama needed a nap too.
He is now 14lbs 12oz, 25 inches long and his head is 16.75 inches around.  My little baby boy is getting bigger everyday.  Love him to pieces.

Yuck all around...

Well, Jax has finally started pooping again, but now it is this nasty thick pasty green poop I've never seen before.  And it stinks like nothing I've ever smelled before.  I'm not too concerned yet.  He isn't in pain and doesn't look uncomfortable so I'm just gonna watch it until his appt next Tuesday.  His farts are still disgusting and lingering. 
He peed on his face for the first time on Sunday night.  I was changing him and I looked away for a second to get another diaper and wham, pee right in his eyes, mouth, ears, everywhere.  He looked at me like why did you let this happen, and then proceeded to scream for the next 15 minutes.  Finally I had to just feed him to get him to stop.  I'm sure it was really traumatic and I don't think pee would taste very good so you can't really blame him.  I'd probably cry too.

Kicked the swaddle

I think we may have kicked the swaddle.  Jaxson hasn't been swaddled in over a week.  He has been doing great staying asleep for 5 hours at a time once we put him down.  Now if we can only get him to go to bed before 11pm that would be great.  No more slapping himself in the face.  If he could keep the pacifier in his mouth or just not need it, we would be in heaven and somewhat back to a normal sleeping arrangement.  I still have to put it back in his mouth at least 2x a night.  Pain in the butt.

Speaking of butts, :-) he has only pooped 1x since last Thursday.  I'm not too worried since I've heard and read that breastfed babies can sometimes go up to a week without pooping.  But...his farts, which are becoming more frequent, are so foul!  Ugh, it is disgusting.  These things are like stink bombs.  And they linger.  He will fart several times while I'm nursing him and I have no escape. It's so gross.  He woke Tony up this morning from one.  I wish he would just poop out whatever he's got going on in there so we won't have to deal with the farts anymore.  Yuck!

Baby weight

Well,  I guess I've decided it's time to get rid of the extra 10-15 pounds this kid has put on me now.  I gained 28 lbs and lost 18 lbs pretty quickly.  But in the last month and a half and since I've been back to work I've gained back about 5 more pounds.  I thought breastfeeding was supposed to help you lose weight but I'm so hungry all the time, I guess I've been eating more than the allotted 400 extra calories that it gets rid of a day.  Plus, with it being the holidays, I've been eating a lot of crap.  So, I'm gonna try to eat better once the new year comes around and try to fit in some Wii or something to get back into shape.  I went up a size or two and I'm ready to go back down.  Tony has been okay about it but I know his opinions are gonna start making their appearance shortly if I don't do something about it.  I'm doing it for me though, not just for him.  I'm over lugging around this extra weight.

Christmas

I must say, this was one of the best Christmases in a long time.  Not just because we have Jaxson this year but it was just good all around.  No drama, not too much stress and just good times with everyone.  Tony and I both got some surprise gifts for each other, which was nice. Jaxson got so much stuff.  I'm glad we didn't really buy him any gifts since everyone else bought him so much stuff.  I'm still trying to figure out where to put it all.   He had no clue what was going on but he seemed to have a blast anyway.  He is getting so big now, with all his chubbiness and his hair is starting to grow back in.  I'm thinking it's gonna be reddish brown/auburn.  He really wants to sit up on his own now.  He tries to pull himself up but can't quite do it.  He likes to grab my hands and pull himself up from a laying position all the way up to stand.  He held his bottle all by himself on Christmas Eve.  I know it was a fluke but he did it.  He still hasn't rolled over, but I'm not ready for that yet anyway.
He is getting such a personality.  He flirts with his eyes and smiles all the time.  He tries to mimick our sounds and he loves for us to make any goofy noise with our tongue or make stupid faces at him.  He is laughing a lot now.  He is such a happy baby.  I don't know what we did to deserve such a good baby.  I just hope he stays that way and isn't a terror when he gets older.  Only time will tell so I'm enjoying this for as long as it lasts.  Now, I just wish he would go to bed at a decent time and let me sleep through the night.  Wishful thinking at this point.

1st Christmas pictures

 Cool like dad.

 Yeah!  Presents!

 Family picture

 Cutest picture ever!

 Our little Christmas present.

 Playing in the bumbo.

 Cool little man.

Wrapping paper fun!

Family pic

Even though I just went on a rant in the previous post. I love my family. :-)

Tired vent

I am tired. Not just tired, but wiped out. I don't know how single parents do it. If I didn't have Tony to help out occasionally when I needed it I don't know how I would manage. I am used to 9-11 hours of sleep to function. Now, I go to bed between 11-12 and if I'm not woken up by Jax around 3am, then I am up anywhere from 6-7am getting Jax fed and myself ready for work and I am gone from 7:30am til 6pm, 5 days a week now. When I get home, if I'm lucky Jax is asleep and will stay sleeping for at least 20 minutes so I can empty his bag, clean the bottles, get the bottles for the next day ready, repack his bag, change my clothes, go to the bathroom, and figure out what's for dinner. If he's not asleep, then none of that gets done until way later in the evening. Then I still have to feed him, feed us and play with him if he stays up long enough to do that. By this time it's already 8pm or so. Throw in 1 more feeding and watching a little tv and that's my day 5x a week. I don't like it. I have no time to get things done. There was no mention of working out, cleaning or groceries in there because I have no time to do it during the week. Showering? Um, not as often as I'd like is all I will say. Time with Tony? Not as often as I would like. We are only in the same room if I am feeding Jax in the office or if a tv show that we both like is on. Tony is stuck in the office most nights doing Gasket Guy since I have no time to do it now. Half the time, Jax is so tired from daycare, he barely stays awake an hour the whole night, so I don't get to interact with him that much during the week. I just don't know how people do it. I guess I do, because I am doing it, but how do they do it without burning out. I used to love shopping, now it's a chore because I would rather stay home and "rest". Visiting people? No thanks, that's a chore too, you can come to us. Hanging out with friends? Well, that would mean I have to decide to hang out with them instead of my baby who I haven't seen very much all week. The weekends are a whole other ordeal. That's when I get to clean the house, go grocery shopping, do the laundry, do a little bit of Gasket Guy and any other thing that was neglected during the week. Sleeping in doesn't really exist anymore and I know I signed up for that when I had a baby, but, my husband sleeps in ALMOST EVERYDAY! Even the week days. And I'm expected to do all this everyday. Not fair. I'm just tired, did I mention that already? Tired, Tired, Tired. And to top it off, I have no days off at work until next year. The holidays are this weekend and they are just gonna make me more tired. Bah Humbug. Just call me Scrooge.
I'm so so tired I didn't even make any paragraphs out of this.

First cough

Last weekend Jax started getting his first cough. He made it look like it was the most terrible thing ever, which I'm sure to him it was. It broke my heart when he woke up screaming and coughing 3x in the night. I didn't know what to do at first but letting him eat and pass out on me seemed to work. I thought it was going away but last night he seemed to get more stuffed up and coughy. Hopefully it won't turn into a full blown cold. He looks so pitiful. But it makes me feel good that I can make him feel a little bit better just by holding and rocking him and that I'm the one he wants to comfort him. Yesterday, he was looking for me even when my mom was holding him. Once she gave him to me, he fell asleep in my arms. So sweet. Love him.

Pics

Tummy time
Laughing away

Sleepy time