Baby weight

Baby weight.........baby weight............baby freaking weight!   Ugh!
I was one of those people that thought once I had the baby, the weight would just fall right off.  And it did, just not all of it.  I gained 28 lbs in pregnancy and I lost 18 lbs in about 3-4 weeks.  That was back in September/October.  Since then I haven't lost one pound.  Too be honest, I've gained some of that weight back. I've never had a problem with weight before but I've also never really had to lose weight before.  I haven't really tried to lose this weight but I keep saying this is the week I will start to eat better and I'll try to exercise but it just hasn't happened.  I have an "excuse" for the exercise.  I've got 2 bulging discs in my neck and I've been in constant pain for the past 2 months and pain off and on before that.  But it seems the more pain I'm in, the more I eat.  And I eat crappy.  I feel sorry for myself and I eat a freaking donut and since I ate a donut, I might as well have a Mt Dew to go with it.  Now the whole day is ruined so I might as well eat a candy bar for dessert. Why not? It's a viscious cycle.

Why is it that when you have a good body, you don't realize it and hide it and then once you start to realize what a good body you have, it starts to change on you?  I had a good body in high school and college, but I covered it up and wore shirts over my bathing suit and never wore tank tops until I was in my mid 20s.  I don't know why I didn't like my body other than insecurity but hind site is 20/20 and now I wish I flaunted and enjoyed that body while I had it.  I know I can get that body back, but it just seems so much harder to get back there.  Like I said, I haven't really tried to lose this weight yet.  I've just been ignoring it and covering it up in blousy too big for me shirts which actually make me look fatter than I am.  I realize I can say I just had a baby, but not for much longer.  Once that 1st year is up, you can't really say you "just" had a baby and this is what's left of that journey.  I'm sick of this weight and how I look in clothes.  I've spent so much money on clothes in the past 9 months because I hate the way I look in anything.  So I just go buy something else I can loathe after I wear it once or twice. And Tony wonders why I have so many clothes in my closet....because I hate them all but I gotta wear something so I give myself a lot of choices.

Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent about how I feel lately when it comes to weight.  I am a very vain person.  I don't want to be fat and I know that I'm not fat, just a little chubbier than I used to be.  I want to work on it.  I am feeling a bit better this week since I took some anti inflammitory meds for my neck and shoulders.  I just need some discipline.