Fall

On to another cycle. It's finally Fall, my favorite season. I'm hoping it will be a new beginning for us. I died my hair a darker red and feel a little different. I like it. I just needed something new and it reflects my mood, a little darker side of me.
After everything seemed so perfect last cycle and then getting a BFN, I'm really getting nervous about whether we can do this. Tony asked me if I get really sad every time TOM comes and said it's complicated. Do I get sad? Yes. Do I get frustrated? Yes. Is it hard to get back on that horse again the next month knowing the possibility of failure is very much there waiting for me? Yes. But it seems that every month that we have had a negative result, there was a reason I was kinda okay with it. Whether it was because I had to be on drugs for my car accident and my teeth or because I was too stressed with buying the house and we had too many other things going on, or I had a cyst and couldn't try that month anyway, for some reason, I wasn't so sad that I sat down crying afterward. I don't want to have a crack baby or the baby to be unhealthy because I'm unhealthy! :-) I want to be the best I can be for this baby. On some level I guess I believe that maybe I still need to get through some of these other issues before God will give us a baby. Maybe that is just what I'm hoping and I'm actually in denial. Who cares. It keeps my hope alive and that is something I need.
So another cycle here we come. I think this is the last cycle we will be doing with this protocol. Next up is more shots plus the pills and IUI. I really hope we don't have to go that far, but I'm willing to if we have to. Whatever we gotta do.

Today

I've been thinking all week if I would test today or just wait it out like most other months. I've decided to wait until tomorrow to test. I havne't had any signs of anything good or bad so far. Don't know if the drugs I've had to take the past few weeks are affecting my body or what but I have a little bit of hope. I just hope that if I am pregnant, those drugs didn't hurt anything in there. It would be perfect timing if it happened this try. We just closed on our house yesterday and my teeth are feeling much better. What a great time to start growing a baby. We had our IUI on 9-9-09, maybe it was a lucky day. We will find out soon I suppose.
Crossing fingers, hoping and praying that this is it.

Teeth

Well, so much for the perfect cycle so far. I am having the worst time with my teeth. I woke up at 5 am on Saturday to the worst pain in my life. I need another root canal. I guess they awoke a sleeping monster when they did all that bone graphing and stuff in my mouth. So I've been on hardcore drugs all weekend. I know I'm not supposed to take that stuff in the 2ww, but I wanted to die it was so painful. So today I go get it done and hopefully it will fix the problem. I just hope that by taking those drugs it didn't mess anything up in my reproductive parts or hurt any little babies growing inside of me. I just have so much hope for this month. Everything seems to be perfect to create a human being inside of me this month. It would be perfect, my teeth will be fixed, we get the house and make a baby all at the same time. Is that too much to ask? I hope not.

Good numbers

Well, Tony will be proud. All of his numbers for his er "deposit" came back better than ever. The doctor even said he hasn't seen numbers that high for one of the stats in a long time. So hopefully this is all good stuff and everything will do it's job and create a baby this time. I won't say I have a good feeling about this time but I will say that I feel good about this time. Best numbers yet. That's all we can ask for on his part. Now we just need everything to connect.

Starting again

So I go in for my IUI today. Dr says we can try this way 2 more times before moving to a different protocol. I pray we won't have to though.
I got my bloodwork on Sunday and they said to take my shot on Monday and make an appointment for Wendsday. Well, I forgot to make the appt and I called 20 minutes after they closed. I was so mad at myself, I started crying. I just had to hope they could get us in at the last minute this morning. Tony was a good sport about it and got up early and just went on a whim and they made room for us. Whew! I don't know what I would have done if they couldn't have fit us in today. We've been on a break for 2 months now. I really wanted to get back to trying this month. So yeah, something went right. We also got an extension on our house closing. So today is a good day. I feel positive for the moment.
Everything rests on faith and hope now.