Monday, December 26, 2011

I don't think he got enough presents. :-)

Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Thinking back and our life now.

When this picture was taken 2 years ago, I ached for a baby.  We were put on a break by the doctor and that Christmas everything was bittersweet.  After 2 years, I was beginning to lose faith.  I put on a brave face but I was so sad on the inside.  Little did I know God was already working on our little miracle and Jax was already in this picture, we just didn't know it yet.  Just goes to show you everything really does happen in God's time and not ours.  When I look back at those 2 years, I can see everything we went through and everthing that we had to overcome was for a reason.  If some things hadn't of happened when they did, he wouldn't be here. 

Now, 2 years later, we have the pleasure of living everyday just trying to make this little kid the happiest and most loved kid in the world.  Sure, it would have been nice to have had an easy road to get here, but in a way, I appreciate the hardship of it all.  Makes me thankful for him that much more.

After I met your daddy, I didn't think my heart could love any more, but then you came along and now I'm busting at the seams.
I love you bubba!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

My hope

I hope we are doing a good job.  I hope I'm the best mama and Tony is the best daddy this kid would wish for.  I hope we are teaching him everything he needs to learn from us to be a good person.  I hope he knows I make him wears his clothes for a reason and not just to torture him.  I hope he likes us as much as we like him.  I hope he stays as sweet and loving as he is now.  I hope he continues to be okay with sharing.  I hope he respects girls and old people and most importantly us.  I hope we are embarrassing parents...but in a good fun way because it's a rite of passage for all of us.  I hope he wants to be our friend when he is older.  I hope he enjoys seeing us and spending time with us when we are older.  I hope he trusts us enough to be open with us about personal stuff.  I hope he will know he can talk to us about anything.  I hope he has a personal relationship with God.  I hope we put him on the right path.  I hope he is good at math because we are not.  I hope he is creative and isn't afraid to sing or talk in public like I am.  I hope he marries a sweet girl that likes me and Tony.  I hope he has lots of babies (after he is married) and loves them as much as we love him.  I hope he tries his hardest at everything he does and doesn't quit.  I hope he plays fair.  I hope he is a good winner and loser.  I hope he is charitable to those that have less than he does.  I hope he is smart with money.  I hope he has a good sense of humor and can tell a good joke.  I hope he has lots of friends that are good influences on him.  I hope he is happy.  I hope he can have a good time in any situation.  I hope he can dance better than his dad.  I hope he uses his gifts.  I hope he appreciates what he has.  I hope he will be someone people look up to. I hope he stays healthy.  I hope he has a very blessed long life ahead of him.  I hope he knows how loved he is and always will be.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

15 months

You got 2 bottom molars this month.  So that brings us up to 10 teeth.  I can not wait until you have all your teeth.  You are such a sad teether.  You have woke us up every night this month until last week.  Hopefully we will have some down time from all the teething for a while.

You have begun putting yourself to sleep.  This just started last week but it is wonderful.  Usually you have to be sound asleep before I put you in your bed or you will not go quietly or at all.  But something must have clicked, because all of a sudden, I have been putting you in there awake and just telling you to go nigh-night...and you do.  Most times you just role over and stick your butt in the air and go to sleep but last night you talked to yourself for a little while and then hit snooze.  Amazing and so nice for us.

You are almost running now.  You still like to be picked up and held but you really like to walk on your own too.  You are doing better at holding hands when needed.

You have slept through the night for the past week.  You go to bed between 8:30-9pm and you wake up around 9am.  It's been wonderful.

Tantrums have begun big time.  But I will take a tantum anyday as long as you continue to sleep through the night.

You weigh 26 lbs and are 31.5 inches tall.

You and Sadie are becoming pretty good friends.  She will even let you pet her and give her lovin now (sometimes).

You are really into reading and books.  You read to yourself and love to show us where all the animals and plants and stuff are on the page.  You have memorized most of the books we have for you.  Don't worry, you will be getting a lot of new ones for Christmas.

We still don't know what color your hair is.  I still see some red and dirty blonde but the browns seem to be taking over.

You are so curious about everything.  Inquisitive is the word, I think.

You are still drinking 2-3 bottles a day.  As long as we both still enjoy it, I don't see why we can't continue doing it a little while longer.  You are my only baby and I want to enjoy allof this baby stuff for as long as you will let me.

You took your first plane ride to NYC and you did great.

You said ball yesterday.

You are still very cuddly especially in the morning.  After your bottle, you jsut curl up in my arms and cuddle for a good 10-15 minutes.  I love it.  You even do it with daddy.

You are still just a happy baby for the most part.  Your teachers tell us how happy you are and how smart you are too.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Cat food and dog water

So I have a cat food eating, dog water bowl slurping toddler.  It isn't as gross as it sounds or maybe it is but whatever, it could be poop smeared on the walls I guess.  Hopefully I will never have to deal with that.  Anyway, Jax has begun to show his mischievious side lately.  For some reason, he has begun eating the cat food out of Joy's bowl.  He tried dog food a few weeks ago but I guess he didn't like it because he spit it right out.  Cat food must taste different because anytime he is in the kitchen, he goes straight for it.  He will go behind the table, stand there, wait for me to notice and as soon as I run over to get him away from the food bowl, he bends over and eats some cat food.  And then he smiles at me as he chews.  As if to say, I got ya again mama.  Ha ha!!!

Then, he will go over to the water bowl and stick his hand in it and wave it around until I notice.  See, he waits until I notice before he stops.  I will look down and he will be squatting, looking up at me, twirling his little hand in the disgusting slobber infested dog water bowl. Occassionally he will suck his fingers afterward, but mostly he just likes to swirl his hand around in it.  Then, once he gets caught, he will go find Sadie and point his finger at her and blame it on her.  Like she did something wrong.  He takes no blame whatsoever.  It's cute...but not.

Pushing the boundaries already.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

We gave Jax his identity yesterday.

Yesterday, I was talking to Jax and I pointed to myself and said mama, then I pointed to Tony and said daddy and then I pointed to his chest and said Jax.  He looked at me, took a second to think about it and pointed at his chest and said something that sounded like his name, something like Daths.  Close enough, right?  J's are kinda complicated for babies.  We did this several times and he seemed to pick it up and figure out that he really is Jax, not just a name but a person.
Oh yeah, and his favorite thing to say now is stinky.  When he has a poopy diaper, I always tell him he has a stinky butt and wave my hand in the air.  Well, now, anytime I say something is stinky, he waves his hand in the air and says his version of stinky, all while having the biggest grin on his face.  Love this kid.

Just a picture of the world's cutest baby. :-)


We went to NYC for the Macy's Thanksgiving parade this year.  It was Jax's first plane ride and he did great.  He slept most of the way and was quiet for the most part. 

We got to tour Radio City Music Hall and meet a Rockette.  Jax loved her hat and was a little infatuated with her.

The night before the parade, we went to see the balloons being blown up. It was neat to get up close to it all.
We woke up at the crack of dawn and made our way to the parade route at 6:30 am.  We got a great view, only 3 rows back.  We could see everything and everybody.  Jax was very intriqued with the floats and balloons. 
We took Jax to the Central Park Zoo, but I think he is still a little young to appreciate most of it.  He did like the ducks but that was about it.

He got to meet Elmo in person.  He was fine being near him but did not want Elmo to hold him. 
It was a fun trip.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011


My kid has a weird issue with clothes.  First it was the Halloween costume meltdown.  He either didn't like anything on his head or the material was itchy.  Now, it is winter clothes.  He has a total meltdown anytime I put anything with long sleeves or long pants on him.  Long PJs?  His expression is what is this cuff thing on my leg?  He pulls on it and just looks at me like Help ME!!  Get it off?  Nowwww!!!  Long sleeves?  Why can't I find my hand?  Where did my arm go?  Make it stop!!!!!  Coats are another issue.  Layering?  Are you trying to suffocate me!!  Why are you doing this to me?  Don't get me started on hats of any kind.  He freaks the crap out if you try to put a hat on him.  He won't even leave the hooded towel on long enough to get him back to his room.  What is his major malfunction?  It's just clothes bubba.  Hopefully he will change his toon when we are in NYC.  It's gonna be 40 degrees.  He's gonna cover up whether he likes it or not.  He will probably come back form vacation a few pounds heavier from all the cookies we are gonna bride him with to stop screaming.  Fun times. :-)

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Petting farm

Jax's school had a petting farm visit on Friday. They had baby goats, ducks, chicks, bunnies, a pig and a horse. They were all pretty cute. Jax wasn't scared of any of them. He went right up and pet the goats and he stood on top of the pony. He wouldn't ride it but we got a good picture of us in front of it. He was quite intrigued by all of it. But when he was done, he was done. Moving on to the next great thing to discover.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

14 months (a little late as usual)

Here we are at 14 months. 

You are walking all over the place and trying to run now.  You will hold our hand when asked but after a few seconds you want to be independent and start to pull away.  Usually we can distract you and you forget that you wanted to go on your own. 

You are starting to babbble and talk like we know what you are saying.  It's so cute.  Your little voice sounds so different when you are talking than when you just yell out one word. 

You point and gesture for things that you want to see and pick up.  And you know exactly what you want.

You can find the moon in the sky.  And you get excited when the airplanes fly over the house.  We look up and watch them until they disappear.

You have become a picky eater again.  One day you love chicken, the next you throw it on the floor.  I blame part of this on teething.  You get very picky when you teeth.  You will only eat mushy stuff for weeks at a time.

You got 2 top molars this month.  Obviously it was very painful since you would wake up every night several times in pain.  I think the bottom molars are coming in now.  When you teeth, it takes weeks of misery.  Poor baby.

You play peek a boo in your bed when we lay you down now.  You pull your blanket up over your head and wait for us to say peek a boo and then you PEEK!

You can point out your head, noses, ears, feet and eyes.

You love for us to read you books.  It's mostly just asking you where the animal or certain picture is on the page but you really know your stuff now. 

You started saying mommy and you think it's hilarious.  Maybe it's because that would technically be the first "real" word we both understand.  Yes, mama and dada are real words but this is different somehow.

You can say bear, kinda.  We have a blanket on the wall that has different animals on it and you point to the bear and say beh.

You will not hold a pose for a picture anymore. 

You love to cuddle after a good bottle and you love your bottle time.  You are a pro at drinking milk from the sippy cup now but you still love your bottles.  We aren't giving those up anytime soon.

You've gotten so much hair this month.

You learned to blow kisses and you give kisses to everybody that wants one.  Even you and daddy are giving kisses now.

You love your cuddles from mama and your fun time with dad.  Not that we both don't do both, but at the moment, you are more of a mama's boy and you and daddy have a great time rough housing.

You really are such a sweet boy. 

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Trick or Treating

Here is our little man trick or treating for the first time.  Looks like he's been doing it for years.  Such a pro. He had so much fun seeing the other kids dressed up.  He answered the door everytime anyone came trick or treating.  He would just look up at the costumes and the kids would say how cute our little Superman was.   Can't wait until next year.


We went to the pumpkin patch to let Jax pick a pumpkin.  He thought it was pretty cool.  And of course we had to take a family photo.

Jax started his Halloween off with a party at school.  They did a little costume parade and he led the way like he knew what he was doing.  He held on to that pumpkin for dear life.
Next we went trick or treating in our neighborhood so he could learn what to do for next year.  He did such a good job and we had a good time showing our little Superman off to the neighbors.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Loud talking

I am a loud talker. Once you get me started talking about something, I get excited and loud.  It can be about anything, good or bad. I just get really passionate about what I'm talking about.  I've been told to quiet down quite a bit.  When I argue, I get even louder.  In my house growing up, all 3 of us girls talked and argued loud and if you wanted to be heard, sometimes you had to be the loudest, so you yelled over each other. It drove my dad crazy. This is probably not the best way to be, but that's just how it was sometimes.  Tony doesn't really yell unless you get him really mad but occassionally we will get into heated discussions and we will both get a little loud.  Sometimes this happens in front of Jax and lately we have noticed that Jax will wave his arms and grunt at us as we are "discussing" things.  I guess that is his way of telling us we are making him uncomfortable and to stop it.  So Tony and I have talked about it and we are working on communicating better in front of Jax or not to discuss certain things in front of him.  I don't want to be the family that yells all the time.   I don't want my kid to think the only way to be heard is to be loud.  We have caught ourselves getting loud a few times since we discussed it and we change our voices to high pitch happy voices so Jax doesn't get freaked out.  I know this too will have to change since soon, Jax will understand what we are saying.  It's not even always bad stuff we are talking about, sometimes it's just the way we are talking.  Jax just doesn't like the loud voices.  So, we are a work in progress at the moment.  Learning as we go.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Making a will

Tony and I have put this off for way too long.  But since we are going on a vacation with our little man soon, I figure it is time to just face it and do it. 

Making a will is more complicted now that we have a kid.  Now we have to decide who will raise him, express our wishes to those people on how we would like him raised (religion, schooling, money,etc. and hope they take our wishes into account) and what things we would like for him to have and when.
It's pretty complicated when you have two people from two different families trying to decide who would be the best choice to raise your child.  Obviously, people are going to think this person or that person is a better choice but there are positives and negatives to everybody that is considered.  We have to pick whoever will be best for our son's well-being. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings but these decisions have been well thought out and talked about by Tony and I.  And we have agreed on them.  They have to be made with the information we have now, not the information we hope we'll have in 5 or 10 years.  Everybody may not agree with our decisions but they are our decisions to make.  We are not playing the you give me your kid and I'll give you my kid game.  We are trying to make the right decision for Jax should anything happen to us.

We aren't doing this to please everybody or make people happy, we have to do what is best for our kid, long term, short term, all terms.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Just a couple of new pictures

He loves playing with Sadie's dog bowl.

 Such a cutie pie.

Halloween costume meltdown

I really don't want to be a cow.
 I'm not kidding!  Get me out of this thing!
 Maybe if I run away, it will fall off somehow.
 Fine!  I'll be Superman!  How cute do I look?

Peeking in

The other night, Tony and I peeked in on Jax as he slept. I do this every night but occassionally we go look together.  Tony said he could look at Jax sleep for hours and hours, he's just so cute when he sleeps.  He said he remembered his dad looking in on him when he was a teenager ( he was still awake, but was faking I guess).  I said I know my parents did the same thing to me and Kristi.  I guess all parents do it.  How can you not.  Babies and kids are so cute when they sleep.

Crying It Out

We will not be playing that game.  No thanks.  We have talked about it, tried it for a few minutes at a time and even threatened it for real this time.  But 2 nights ago, we actually did it for real and the results are not what we hoped for.  It was 10pm and Jax was up hang out still not asleep, so I finally decided to put him to bed and see what happened.  Well, crying and whaling happened and lots of it.  We were watching a show on the DVR and every time there was a commercial I would go in there and calm him down.  The minute I left the room, he would scream and cry through our whole TV show.  Every 15 minutes we went in there and he would just cry cry cry.  After an hour of this, I finally went in to just pick him up and cradle him and he was unconsolable.  He could not get himself to calm down.  Nothing we did or offered him made him stop crying. It was a very sad whale of a cry and I felt so sorry for him because he just could not physically stop himself.  Finally, after about a half hour we took him outside and he stopped for a bit, then once we were back inside, he started again.  At about 11:30 he was calmed down and I just went to bed and Tony stayed up with him on the couch.  When Tony finally put him to bed, he had to stay there and watch him fall asleep because Jax kept turning over and waking up crying again.  So at 11:47pm, the boy finally fell asleep.

If the cry it out method means that my baby will be unconsolable for 2 hours every night for a week or however long in the wee hours of the night, then I am not getting on that train.  Sorry.  He knows how to self soothe and sleep through the night.  He just has issues when he is teething.  It sucks that those issues last for weeks at a time, but I can't be up for 2 hours with an unconsolable baby every night.  Hopefully these teeth will come in quickly and quietly from now on but I'm not counting on it.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Teething and Sleep

I don't know if I would consider Jax a bad sleeper or not.  Is it just teething or does he really need to wake up in the middle of the night, every night to have a snack and see Tony and I?  I mean, when he sleeps, he sleeps great, he can do 12 hours straight.  But for the past 2 and a half months now, he has woken up almost every night, sometimes 2-3x a night (see the bags and wrinkles under my eyes).  We have maybe gotten 10 days of full nights sleep in 2.5 months.  I looked in his mouth last week and there were no new teeth, then I look again this week and he has a huge back tooth that has come in.  Now maybe that has been his problem for the past few weeks, but it couldn't have been bugging him for 2.5 months could it?  I mean, if he is like this for every tooth, we are never gonna sleep until he is 3 or 4.  I don't even know when babies get all their teeth.  Anyway,  he slept for 5 days straigtht this weekend and now we are back to waking up the past 2 nights.  And there is no waiting it out to see if he will go back to sleep on his own.  He stands up and screams until you get in there and then literally jumps for joy when he sees us.  And we have to feed him.  He hasn't been eating real food lately so he is waking up hungry.  He is lucky he's cute.  I'm tired.  I knew this part of parenthood would suck.  I miss my sleep.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


It was around this time 2 years ago that the doctor told us to take a chill pill and relax for a few months because my body wasn't in any shape to make a baby.  After trying for 2 years with nothing to show for it and no reasons why, that was a hard pill to swallow.  Infertility sucks!  I knew we would get our baby one way or the other, but I had to live my life in the meantime.  I couldn't let it consume me.  Even in the darkness of it all, there were wonderful things happening all around me that I didn't want to miss because I was wallowing in my own self pity. Some things only happen once and then they are gone.  As hard as it was for me to go, I tried not to miss any baby showers or birthday parties I was invited to because, even though I was sad about our situation, I was still happy that my cousins and friends were living the dream I had for myself.  And while I was there, I actually had a good time holding the babies and hanging out with my family. I tried to make the best of our situation all while still going about the daily grind.

I held a lot of my anger and frustration and sadness in during those 2 years and it probably just added to our delay in getting pregnant.  My body could only stand so much and holding in all my feelings and worries didn't make me healthy or happy.  It just made me more miserable because I wasn't talking about it and letting it out.  I was very embarrassed and prideful when it came to our infertility in the beginning. I didn't talk to anyone about it for over a year.  Not even my mom.  I thought I was the only one it was happening to.  It seemed like everyone around me was getting pregnant.  But, once I started talking about it with other family members and friends, I found out I wasn't alone.  Yes, some of them were getting pregnant and having babies but I found out that it wasn't all smooth sailing for some of them either.  A lot of them either had problems getting pregnant or they had at least one miscarriage before they finally had their baby.  And once I told them about our issues, I had a new cheering and praying section backing us up.  Once I let people in, a weight was lifted.

I know my story has a happy ending, but what we went through to get that little baby will always be a part of our story.  I don't know if we will have another baby or not, but if we decide to try again, that struggle that we went through will always be a worry to me. Will we have those issues again? Was it all a one time miracle? I hope that whatever our issues were, they have fixed themselves but you never know until you try.  With my age, comes other issues.  If this is the only baby I have, then that's okay too.  If I had to pick one perfect baby for Tony and I, it would be Jax.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

13 months

This past month has been a big one.  You took your first steps and began walking on your own.  Once you started, it took you about 1 1/2 weeks to really get the hang of it.  You still prefer to crawl if you want to get somewhere quick.  You are a speedy little sea turtle when you crawl.  It's funny to listen to you coming down the hall.  It's like a stampede.

You are breaking my heart everytime you cry now.  Why is thatyou ask?  Well, now when you cry in the middle of the night or wake up from your nap or you are just plain sad, you yell for your mama by name.  You start crying and then you yell mama mama mamaaaaaaaaaaaa.  It's so sad but cute. 

You've started giving kisses on command to whomever wants them.  You usually open tongue kiss but I guess we will work on that once you get a little older.

For some reason, all of a sudden, you are refusing to eat most solid food.  The only thing that you seem to like is fruit or cookies.  Shocker!  Both are sweet and sugary.  Don't know what's up with that.

Your sleeping habits kinda suck right now.  You wake us up at least once, sometimes 2-3x a night.  Maybe you are teething, maybe you hate us. Just kidding.  You used to sleep for 12 hours straight for a while, now we are lucky if you sleep 5 straight.  Please figure this out and get back to us.  You are giving me more wrinkles than I would like to have at 35.

You are turning into such a mama's boy.  I love it but it makes me nervous too.  I just want to make sure I'm not the only one that can soothe you.  You are so cuddly lately too.  So cute.

You can almost say Sadie's name.  You can make the SSSSS sound and then something like ad  ie comes out afterward. 

You have started wearing shoes but you don't like them.  You can't really walkin them yet but we are getting there.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011


I find it funny how high pitched my voice is on all the videos.  My normal voice is pretty middle of the road.  I don't know if I talk to Jax that way all the time or just when I'm taking a video.  I talk to my dog in the same high pitched voice.  Is that bad?

Saturday, September 24, 2011

First steps

Here is Jax taking his first steps (on camera).  He took his first step last week.  Now he is walking for the fun of it.

Here he is walkng across the room at my mom's house.  He's still wobbley but he's already trying to run.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

First steps

Jax took his first steps yesterday.  He took 3 at daycare and then he did it for me at home last night.  Here we go...

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

1 year stats

Jax had to get 4 shots at this appointment.  For some reason, they have one nurse do all 4, so that means one shot at a time.  It is terrible holding him screaming knowing he's got a few more coming.  He screamed a new scream for each shot.  So sad.  But once we offered him a cookie, he was perfectly fine.

At his 1 year appointment Jax is:
30 1/2 inches tall - 75 percentile
23  pounds - 50 percentile
17 7/8 head circumference - 80 percentile

So we have a healthy boy with long legs and a large head.  He also has 6 teeth now.  4 on top and 2 on the bottom.  He looks like a vampire rightnow though because hi fangs are coming in faster than the middle top teeth.

Feeding time

Jax has been giving us a little bit of trouble eating solid foods lately.  Sometimes he will throw the food over his shoulder, not caring if it lands on some unsuspecting diners plate at a restaurant or occassionally he will just wipe his plate until everything is on the floor and sometimes he just chooses to give his food to Sadie.  He thinks it's hilarious to feed Sadie from his highchair.  He get usually gives her little pieces of his food but sometimes he just teases her and then puts it in his mouth after Sadie has already licked all over his hand trying to get it.  It's gross but cute.  He gets a little giggle going on while he is doing it.
tony and I have different feeding styles.  I like to be as clean as possible but have a good time in the process.  Tony has no concept of cleanliness when feeding Jax.  I think he equates messy with fun, which is not wrong, it's just messy.
Here are a couple of pictures of the aftermath of dinner time with daddy.
 Don't they both look so proud.
I guess as long as they are happy and fed it's okay.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Jax's first year video

For Jax's 1st birthday, I put together a video collage of his first year.  I tried to make it tell a story as much as I could.  It was my first try at such a thing but I thinkI did a pretty good job.  I plan to do it every year. :-)

Here it is.

Warning:  It is almost 15 minutes long, so grab a snack and enjoy.  There is a lot of stuff that happens in a year.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Jax 1st birthday

Well, it finally came and went.  Jax is 1 year old.  It's been a long, exciting year for all of us.  Learning new things everyday and we all made it through safe and sound for the most part.  I never had any doubt. :-)
I scheduled the party at 5pm thinking that Jax would be fed, awake, social and just a happy baby at that time. Well, he had other ideas. He was very clingy and moody and almost fell asleep in the middle of it all. I don't know if he was freaked out by all the people or what but he was not his happy little self that day. Once he took a nap in the middle of his party he seemed to be better. He was excited by the gifts but wasn't sure what to make of the icing that would not come off his fingers no matter how much of it he wiped on his face. He had fun playing with the balloons and being passed around to all the people who love him. He even stood all by himself for the first time in fornt of everyone. We almost didn't know it was happening, we were so caught off guard. Overall, I think he did a good job and had a good time.

Playing with his Elmo phone. 
 This is mine!
 Do you want some cake Kylee?
I'm not too sure about this. 
 Yummy car.
Look at me standing on my own! 
 Happy Birthday bubba.
I'm pooped.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I love you.

I was raised in a home where my mom told us she loved us all the time. Sometimes I thought it was too often but I guess you can never hear those words too much. I don’t remember my dad saying it as much or very often at all until it was too late and I didn’t want to hear it from him. I never understood the need to say it so much until I had Jax. I tell him I love him all the time. I can’t not tell him how much I love him when I’m holding him. It just comes out, almost involuntarily. I’m busting at the seams with love for this kid. I’ve never felt this way about anything or anyone before.

Tony, for some stupid reason, seems to think it is not manly for fathers to tell their male children that they love them. I don’t know where he got that from. I know plenty of guys that tell their dad they love them and visa versa. And they are probably more manly because they can show those emotions. I know Tony loves this kid more than he can even explain to anyone. He can’t even try to hide it, it emits from him when he’s with Jax. But saying it and feeling it are two different things I guess. I’m working on him and tearing down that wall. I know what happens when you wait too long to say it. Soon Jax will be saying it and he’ll have no choice but to say it back or I’ll kick his butt.

Our parents want us to be better than them and I want Jax to be better than us. Tony and I are both greedy with the L word in general. Not to each other but to other people. I want to raise Jax to be able to express his emotions and when he feels love, to just say it . No shame, just say it. I want him to be able to talk to us about anything and everything no matter how uncomfortable it might make us or him feel. My mom is a parent when we need it and a friend when we need it. You can be both. I can only hope Jax wants to be my friend when he is older and that he tells me he loves me all the time.  :-)

New pics

 Swinging away at the park.

 First time at Chuck E.Cheese.

 Playing with Joy.

 Just being funny.

My sweet little boy.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011


So, we tried the mokawk a few weeks ago while we were at the beach and we were not a fan. Everyone else is doing it, so why can't we? Right? Well, we don't like it. Even Jax turned his nose up at it in the picture. He's all head and no hair!  So here it is and there it goes.
 Please put my hair down now.