Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Baby weight

Well,  I guess I've decided it's time to get rid of the extra 10-15 pounds this kid has put on me now.  I gained 28 lbs and lost 18 lbs pretty quickly.  But in the last month and a half and since I've been back to work I've gained back about 5 more pounds.  I thought breastfeeding was supposed to help you lose weight but I'm so hungry all the time, I guess I've been eating more than the allotted 400 extra calories that it gets rid of a day.  Plus, with it being the holidays, I've been eating a lot of crap.  So, I'm gonna try to eat better once the new year comes around and try to fit in some Wii or something to get back into shape.  I went up a size or two and I'm ready to go back down.  Tony has been okay about it but I know his opinions are gonna start making their appearance shortly if I don't do something about it.  I'm doing it for me though, not just for him.  I'm over lugging around this extra weight.


I must say, this was one of the best Christmases in a long time.  Not just because we have Jaxson this year but it was just good all around.  No drama, not too much stress and just good times with everyone.  Tony and I both got some surprise gifts for each other, which was nice. Jaxson got so much stuff.  I'm glad we didn't really buy him any gifts since everyone else bought him so much stuff.  I'm still trying to figure out where to put it all.   He had no clue what was going on but he seemed to have a blast anyway.  He is getting so big now, with all his chubbiness and his hair is starting to grow back in.  I'm thinking it's gonna be reddish brown/auburn.  He really wants to sit up on his own now.  He tries to pull himself up but can't quite do it.  He likes to grab my hands and pull himself up from a laying position all the way up to stand.  He held his bottle all by himself on Christmas Eve.  I know it was a fluke but he did it.  He still hasn't rolled over, but I'm not ready for that yet anyway.
He is getting such a personality.  He flirts with his eyes and smiles all the time.  He tries to mimick our sounds and he loves for us to make any goofy noise with our tongue or make stupid faces at him.  He is laughing a lot now.  He is such a happy baby.  I don't know what we did to deserve such a good baby.  I just hope he stays that way and isn't a terror when he gets older.  Only time will tell so I'm enjoying this for as long as it lasts.  Now, I just wish he would go to bed at a decent time and let me sleep through the night.  Wishful thinking at this point.

Monday, December 27, 2010

1st Christmas pictures

 Cool like dad.
 Yeah!  Presents!
 Family picture
 Cutest picture ever!
 Our little Christmas present.
 Playing in the bumbo.
 Cool little man.
Wrapping paper fun!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Family pic

Even though I just went on a rant in the previous post. I love my family. :-)

Tired vent

I am tired. Not just tired, but wiped out. I don't know how single parents do it. If I didn't have Tony to help out occasionally when I needed it I don't know how I would manage. I am used to 9-11 hours of sleep to function. Now, I go to bed between 11-12 and if I'm not woken up by Jax around 3am, then I am up anywhere from 6-7am getting Jax fed and myself ready for work and I am gone from 7:30am til 6pm, 5 days a week now. When I get home, if I'm lucky Jax is asleep and will stay sleeping for at least 20 minutes so I can empty his bag, clean the bottles, get the bottles for the next day ready, repack his bag, change my clothes, go to the bathroom, and figure out what's for dinner. If he's not asleep, then none of that gets done until way later in the evening. Then I still have to feed him, feed us and play with him if he stays up long enough to do that. By this time it's already 8pm or so. Throw in 1 more feeding and watching a little tv and that's my day 5x a week. I don't like it. I have no time to get things done. There was no mention of working out, cleaning or groceries in there because I have no time to do it during the week. Showering? Um, not as often as I'd like is all I will say. Time with Tony? Not as often as I would like. We are only in the same room if I am feeding Jax in the office or if a tv show that we both like is on. Tony is stuck in the office most nights doing Gasket Guy since I have no time to do it now. Half the time, Jax is so tired from daycare, he barely stays awake an hour the whole night, so I don't get to interact with him that much during the week. I just don't know how people do it. I guess I do, because I am doing it, but how do they do it without burning out. I used to love shopping, now it's a chore because I would rather stay home and "rest". Visiting people? No thanks, that's a chore too, you can come to us. Hanging out with friends? Well, that would mean I have to decide to hang out with them instead of my baby who I haven't seen very much all week. The weekends are a whole other ordeal. That's when I get to clean the house, go grocery shopping, do the laundry, do a little bit of Gasket Guy and any other thing that was neglected during the week. Sleeping in doesn't really exist anymore and I know I signed up for that when I had a baby, but, my husband sleeps in ALMOST EVERYDAY! Even the week days. And I'm expected to do all this everyday. Not fair. I'm just tired, did I mention that already? Tired, Tired, Tired. And to top it off, I have no days off at work until next year. The holidays are this weekend and they are just gonna make me more tired. Bah Humbug. Just call me Scrooge.
I'm so so tired I didn't even make any paragraphs out of this.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

First cough

Last weekend Jax started getting his first cough. He made it look like it was the most terrible thing ever, which I'm sure to him it was. It broke my heart when he woke up screaming and coughing 3x in the night. I didn't know what to do at first but letting him eat and pass out on me seemed to work. I thought it was going away but last night he seemed to get more stuffed up and coughy. Hopefully it won't turn into a full blown cold. He looks so pitiful. But it makes me feel good that I can make him feel a little bit better just by holding and rocking him and that I'm the one he wants to comfort him. Yesterday, he was looking for me even when my mom was holding him. Once she gave him to me, he fell asleep in my arms. So sweet. Love him.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


Tummy time
Laughing away

Sleepy time

Thursday, December 9, 2010

This morning

This morning Jaxson woke me up at 6am to eat. This is a little earlier than I'd like but he let me get almost 6 straight hours of sleep so how could I not. Anyway, he got done eating around 6:40 which gave me about 30 minutes to go back to bed. Instead of putting him back in the PNP like I usually do, I put him in bed with us. He was all warm and cuddly in his new fleece sleep sack. I put him close to me and held his little hands and caressed his face and he fell right back to sleep. Occasionally he would squeeze my hand as if to say hi mom thanks for letting me sleep up here with you guys. I would normally just go back to sleep at this point but instead I just cuddled him and listened to him breathe and make little baby noises for a half hour. Wonderful way to start my day.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Some milestones

Things I've noticed Jax doing now:
  • Looking at his little hands in wonder in front of his face.
  • He can grasp a rattle.
  • He found his feet but doesn't care much about them yet.
  • He likes to hear himself talk and coo.
  • He is laughing all the time now.
  • He can stand up from a reclined position (by holding on to my fingers)
  • His neck muscles are getting very strong.
  • He's got good kicking skills
  • He is sticking his tongue out at us.
  • He can find me across the room.
  • He knows our voices, he gets excited hearing us talk to him over the phone.
  • He rolls from side to side but not all the way over yet.
  • He can poop through a diaper like it's no ones business.

1 week down

Well, we both made it through a full week of me working and Jax going to daycare. I could tell a little difference in his eating habits with me but he seemed pretty happy to get his alone time with me too. I was so looking forward to the weekend but when the weekend came, I had so much I needed to fit into it, that I still need another day to do it all now. Working motherhood sucks. Not enough time in the day to do it all. I miss my baby.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

1st visit with Santa

Jax did such a good job visiting with Santa. He wasn't afraid or anything. He seemed to be a bit fascinated by him. He was so alert to all the lights and took great pictures. Kylee took one for the team and sat on Santa's lap so we could get a picture of both of them. I can't wait for him to see our house light up and decorated this year. I think he will really like the lights and the fire in the fireplace. He is just the cutest little baby in the world.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

First day

First day of daycare for Jax and first day back at work for me. Let me just talk about Jaxson's first day since his was much better than mine. He started his day at 4:30am tossing and turning. I tried to get him to go back to sleep but by 5:15, I gave up and fed him. I went back to bed for 45 minutes and then I was up for the day. There is a big difference between waking up at 6:30am feeding a baby and going back to sleep for 3 more hours and waking up at 6:30am, feeding at baby and going to work for 10 hours. The latter one sucks. Anyway, he was a happy baby all morning. the closer I got to daycare the more I almost cried, but I sucked it up the best I could. I dropped him off at 7:30. He laughed at me a couple of times and I held him for a few minutes before I left. I left him with a smile on his face and a tear in my eye. I got to work and the first hour seemed like 4. The day dragged on and on and it wasn't even lunch yet. My boobs were killing me since I fed him so early so I pumped around 9:30. Then I pumped again after lunch. And then again before I went home. Each time was harder and harder. For one thing, my boobs aren't used to being pumped that often in a row, so it hurt and all I could think about while I was in there pumping was that I should be holding my baby feeding him, not sitting in a closet looking into a filing cabinet using a machine. But I made it through my day without crying so far. Finally it was time to go home. I picked Jaxson up and the teacher said he did very well. He played and laughed and smiled and he is very strong. But he also has a set of lungs on him and they had to change his outfit 4x because he spit up so much. Overall, though, he had a good day. When I got there, he was sleeping like a baby. Once I put him into his carseat, he woke up and gave me a smile. Broke my heart. I got into the car and he started to cry, so I started to cry and kept crying off and on all night. Jaxson just ate and went to bed and ate and went to bed again for the night. Is that all the interaction I get with my kid now?
Overall, it was a very long and hard day for me and I guess I will never know how it really was for him. I just don't want to lose the bond that we've created over the past 3 months. I'm sad. Everyone says it gets better, but we will see. Day 2 isn't much better so far but at least I got more sleep last night.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Growing up

My baby is growing up so fast already. I love to watch him sleep. He sleeps with one or both arms either behind his head or covering his face with his little hands in a fist. He is giggling and cooing so much now. It's so wonderful waking up and rolling over to see him awake waiting for me to pick him up to eat. When he sees my face, his little face lights up knowing that his mama is there to get him. It melts my heart. He is discovering new things all the time now. He has figured otu that those things on the end of his arms are hands and they can pick things up or he can suck on them. Sometimes he will just hold his hand in front of this face and stare at it in amazement. Tony is having a lot of fun with him now too. They have their own little rituals. Tony puts him to bed at night and sings his little burritos song to him. Tony is so gentle with him at times but he is also a boy playing with his boy doing boy things. It's very cute.
We are still trying to figure out if he is gonna be a redhead or not. In certain lighting, he is definietly red but in others, he looks brownish. Who knows, it's all good.
He had his first Thanksgiving at G&G Ricciardo's yesterday. He was such a good boy for everyone. I can't wait to see how he is at Christmas with all the lights and stuff.
I'm still in amazement that this little kid came out of me.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Newest pics

Sweet baby smirking

With his newest cousin Bethany

Happy Halloween

Such a happy baby.


I thought breast fed baby poop was not supposed to stink until you started adding solids. Granted, he does get 2 formulas a day, but it has only recently gotten to the point of making me gag. Even after I clean him up, the smell seems to linger. I'm sure this is just my imagination but still. Every morning he pushes out something nasty. And when he goes, he explodes. I thought I had a free pass until solids but I guess I was wrong. Can't wait to see what that will smell like. Ugh! Gross.

Monday, November 8, 2010

2 month shots

Jaxson went in for his 2 month shots today. He did so well. Of course he cried but not for very long. I just held his arms and talked to him while the nurse did her thing. I didn't watch but I could tell once she did the first shot because his eyes widened real wide with a look of what the crap just happened to me, and then he screamed. By the time he stopped crying, it was time for the 2nd and 3rd shots, he got the same look and cried and screamed. I had to tell him to breathe, not that he understood me, but whatever. Once I put the pacifier in his mouth, he pretty much soothed himself down. He cried his first real tears today. They were streaming down his face, it was so sad. He was a real trooper though and didn't cry anymore after that. We went home, ate and went to bed. I'm sure he will sleep a little longer today which is fine.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

New pics

Me and Jaxson in his cowboy outfit which I had to cut off to get him out of it. I didn't know there were snaps in the back. Oh well. :-P

Me and Jax playing around with the camera. He was so interested in looking at it.

Such a cutie.

My sweet sleeping boy.

Jax in his Halloween costume. He was such a good sport.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Coo and a smile

Jaxson as cooing now and he is officially smiling for real. No more guessing if it's gas or not. It's so cute that he recognizes me now and occassionally I'll get a little grin from him. At first you can tell he is gonna smile by his eyes. His little eyes just light up and squint a little and then this little crocked smiles shows up. It's so cute. He is making little baby sounds now too. Cooing and awing.

Monday, October 4, 2010

1 month Dr. visit

FINALLY!!! Jaxson finally made it back to his birth weight. He now weighs 8 lbs 3 oz again. Way to go. He is now 21.75 inches so he grow a half an inch. His head is 15 inches around. Doctor says everything else looks good too.
I met with a lactation consultant today. She said wathced me feed him and she weighed him to see how much milk he is getting. She said he is getting a good amount and latching on well. She jsut said I need to feed him more often if I want to get my supply up to be able to breast feed when I go to work in 2 months. The schedule they want you to keep is crazy, I think I would have a meltdown if I did it. So I'm gonna do my best do what I can and see how it goes.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

1 month old

Well, Jaxson is 1 month old today. Can't believe its been that long already. He is more alert now and getting so cute everyday. I've noticed that he is studying us more when he is awake. He just looks at us and makes little faces. He smiles occassionally but I don't think it's on purpose yet but we are getting there. Hopefully that will happen ths month. He is such a good baby. He only cries when he is hungry or when we are annoying him by bathing him or changing his diaper. He likes to have his face kissed on each side and turns toward you as if to kiss you back. It's very cute. He loves to be outside and see the shadows and light that the sun makes, but he also falls asleep in his stroller after a few minutes. We can't figure out if he likes being swaddled or not. He fights it but he sleeps better when he is swaddled. We've tried leaving him out of it but his little arms just flail about and hit him i the face so he can't fall asleep. I've finally learned how to swaddle, not very good but I can do it now. Tony has something about him that just calms him much more easily than I do. He is more patient and doesn't get as flustered as I do I guess. He is the baby whisperer at night. :-)

I really wish we could start letting him sleep more at night, but we are still trying to get his weight up. So we are still on a 2.5 hr feeding schedule during the day and a 3-3.5 hr schedule at night. I have to go to the doctor tomorrow and I'm sure he will yell at me again because he is not gaining at the speed he wants him to. We are trying our hardest though.

Overall, it's been an exciting, interesting, exhausting, and educational month. We are all figuring each other out more and more each day.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Weight check & 3 week pics.

It's been a week since Jaxson's last weight check. He weighed 7lbs 9 oz last Thrusday, today he weighs 7lbs 12 oz. Yeah he gained weight but the doctor still says it is not enough. He only gained half of what he should have in a week. He is supposed to be gaining an ounce a day and he only gained 1/2 ounce a day. So he told me I need to figure outif I am producing enough milk or not. Also, I need to put him on the boob for 15 min, burp him and then put him on the other boob for 15 min. Everyone tells mesomething different how the heck am I supposed to get it right with such conflicting responses from doctors? At least I didn't get yelled at this time. It was a different doctor. He said it's good he is gaining but he needs to pick up the pace at this point. So, I'm still stressed over all this but at least he is gaining something. If I have to do more formula then so be it, but I'm not gonna give up the breast feeding. We go back on Monday for his 1 month checkup so hopefully this weekend we can fatten him up some more. This is so frustrating.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Failure to Thrive

Failure to Thrive, what a terrible thing for a first time mom to see written about your baby. That hurts my heart just writing it. I know it isn't my fault, but it still doesn't make me feel any better.

This has a been a very trying week. Jaxson had his 2 week check up on Monday. We get there and they ask the normal questions for a physical, then they take him to be weighed. Last time we were there was when he was 5 days old and he weighed must have weighed about 7 lbs. He had lost some extra weight after being born which is normal. So when they weighed him on Monday he only weighed 7 lbs 3 ozs. The doctor started freaking out about how he hadn't gained enough of his weight back yet. He said we had to make sure nothing was wrong so he sent us for more tests, which meant more heel pricks for our baby. We had lots of questions for the doctor but he kinda rushed us tothe hospital. So they took 3 vials of blood and they asked us to wait 15 min to make sure it was a good draw. Sure enough, the nurse comes out and says they have to do it again because the draw was bad. I had already been crying since being in the dr. office and having to get him stuck again just killed me. So, we did the draw again and finally it was good to test. We got the test back later that day and of course they were fine. I never thought anything was wrong with him, I was just exhausted and sad for him.

So we get a call from the doctor and he says we had to supplement formula every 4 hours. So we had to feed him every 2 hours for the next 3 days. Luckily the grandparents and my sister were able to help out and let us sleep for a bit or we would have been wiped out. He said if Jaxson didn't gain weight by today, then he would have to put him in the hospital. Long story short, after a long and very tiring week, Jaxson gain 6 ozs. So now he weighs 7 lbs 9 ozs. We still have to feed him more often but we can start to extend it now and I don't have to give him formula unless I need to. We have to go back again for a weight check next Thursday just to make sure whatever we are doing is still working.

We think the problem was that I was breastfeeding him incorrectly. I was feeding him for 10 minutes on each breast instead of letting him finish one whole side so he could get the fatty milk that comes at the end of the session. Basically I was giving him skim milk. I was justfollowing what I was told from the hospital. They tell you so many things when you are on drugs and out of it, so maybe they told me something different but I don't know. It's all so confusing.

Friday, September 17, 2010

2 week pic

Looking a lot like daddy this week.
Such a sweet boy.

Monday, September 13, 2010

First week

The first week with Jaxson has pretty much been a blur. We had family over to help us out which was great. I know we wouldn't have been able to do it alone. It's been trying at times and really neat at times. I've had a few breakdowns in the midst of all this but I know it will all get easier as all 3 of us get to know each other better and Jaxson gets bigger. Tony has done so good at being a dad so far. He has taken to it so naturally and I knew he would all along. I, on the other hand have been trying to get better from my c-section so I have missed out on some of the bonding time that everyone else has had with him. I know it will all change as family isn't here everyday help us take care of him and I will be his main caretaker during the day. I'm still very emotional about having the c-section. I don't know why exactly. Too many hormones going through me right now. Can't wait for those to go away or at least settle down at bit. Overall, it has been a blessed week, ready for week 2.

Little things

Some little things I've learned about Jaxson so far.
  1. He cries like a girl, which is so cute. But then again, maybe all babies cry like girls at first.
  2. He will occassionally purr when nursing.
  3. He has Tony's eyes.
  4. He is a trooper. Got stuck inthe heel 3x last week for jaundice and barely cried.
  5. He is stubborn like his mom and dad.
  6. He likes to sleep on his side.
  7. He has big hands and feet.
  8. He likes the right boob, doesn't care for the left. I find this strange and frustrating.
  9. He also like to play for a few minutes before breastfeeding, I'm told this is called Mouthing.
  10. He is such a sweet boy.
  11. He can already hold his pacifier in his mouth.
  12. He loves his daddy and mommy.
  13. He likes to go outside and look at the sky.
  14. He likes to be swaddled but also fights to get his hands out during the night.
  15. He has an angel kiss above his right eye.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Welcome to the world Jaxson Blake Ricciardo

Jaxson Blake Ricciardo entered the world at 6:37pm on Friday, September 3, 2010. He weighed 8.3 pounds and was 21.25 inches long. He has light brown/blondish hair. He came out screaming bloody murder and didn't stop for about a half hour. I had to have a c-section because we had some complications with his bp dropping really low with the contrations and I hadn't progressed at all in 3 hours. His head was starting to become coneheaded. So the doctor said it was the only way to get him out without putting both of us at risk. As soon as Iheard I had to have the c-section I began to cry. This was not the way I wanted things to go. I was so scared but everyone reassured me it would be okay and I'd see my baby boy in a few minutes. Tony got in his scrubs and my mom kissed me and cried as we went on our way.

The c-section wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I thought it would hurt but it didn't. I'm glad they didn't tell me when they were going to start opening me up because it would have made it worse. Tony stayed behind the curtain with me and before we even knew they began, we heard this crazy loud scream coming from Mr. Jaxson. Tony stood up and saw them pulling him out of me. He said it was really neat. He got to watch them sew my uterus upwhile it was on my chest. Jaxson just screamed the whole time even after they took him out of the room. They laid him on my chest and I met my boy. He was so cute and small. Tony looked so proud and happy in the pictures we took. The doctor said once he got in there, my uterus was swelling so the c-section was the only way to get him out safetly and he was glad we decided to do it. That made me feel much better about it.

They had to take me to recovery for a couple of hours. My epidural was making me shake so bad that I thought I was gonna shatter my teeth. They had to give me 4 shots of demerol to get it to stop. Tony took the baby to show everyone while I was in there.

We had lots of visitors throughout the weekend. We went home on Monday, September 6. Everything is pretty much a blur at the moment. I'm still trying to remember as much as I can.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Last day with an inside baby

Well, it looks like tomorrow is the day. I really don't think he is coming on his own today so we will just have to give him a push (no pun intended) tomorrow. My body has slowly lost steam this week. I feel pretty crappy and just ready to get the show on the road. I feel a little sad and guilty about this week because I really don't feel that excited or scared or anything other than ready to get this baby out of me and start our next chapter. I haven't really been able to enjoy this last week with him inside me because I am just so over being pregnant at this point. I don't know if other people feel this way or not but that's just how I feel right now. I know tomorrow I will feel completely different about everything and I will be excited and scared and everything else that comes along with all this but for now, I'm over it all. Tomorrow I will probably be a mess of emotions and that's okay.

Overall, I've enjoyed parts of being pregnant and I've loathed parts of being pregnant. Would I do it again in the future? Probably maybe. At least next time I will have an idea of what I'm in for. I've enjoyed the kicks and wiggles and loathed the devil that is acid reflux.

We are excited and scared to welcome you into our world tomorrow. I hope we can be the best parents that we can be. We will love you and protect you with eveything we have. See you soon.

Please watch over us and keep us all safe and healthy. I know I'm asking a lot but please make tomorrow as pain free and stress free as possible and give us strength and courage to get through the long day. And thanks for blessing us with this little miracle baby.

Stay tuned...

Monday, August 30, 2010


Well, the due date is finally here and I don't think he is gonna come today. No signs pointing in that direction. So I guess I'll just reflect on the good and bad of my pregnancy today so I can look back and remember what I'm getting myself into if we decide to have another baby one day. Everyone says you forget all the bad stuff and it's all worth it once you hold the baby in your arms. I guess I really can't believe that until it happens.

I'll start with the bad so I can end on a good note.
The Bad:
  • Taking 2 years to finally happen
  • Migraines & back pain
  • Not knowing if I could carry to term because of previous issues
  • The loneliness of it all sometimes
  • Aversion to chicken for 4 months
  • Acid Reflux is the devil
  • Hormonal breakdowns
  • Pain in my hands and feet from swelling
  • Restless nights
  • Peeing 5x a night
  • Just being uncomfortable in my own body/ Feeling useless to help with anything physical
  • Not knowing if everything is gonna be okay until he is finally here

The Good:

  • Finally getting pregnant after 2 long years of trying
  • Seeing that little bean on the screen for the first time
  • Feeling the pop, pop, pops for the first time
  • Seeing a little human being inside me on screen for the first time
  • Feeling him kick and roll
  • Getting a little more attention than normal
  • People being nicer to me
  • Seeing Tony and myself transform through out this process
  • Giving the gift of a new great grandson, grandson, niece, cousin and nephew to my family
  • Seeing how excited everyone is about his arrival
  • Seeing the 3D pics and seeing the possible traits of mine and Tony's in him
  • Creating something that will connect Tony and I forever
  • The antcipation of it all
  • Becoming a mama

I'm sure there are more things on both sides but that's it for now.

Tony finally got the garage so we can park both cars in it but I still don't think I want to park in there. The carseat base is in the car. The room is ready...enough. The business is up to date. The bags are packed. And I'm ready to get this show on the road. Tony is fine if it doesn't happen until Friday but I'm ready now. I guess it's all up to baby at this point. I hate waiting.

Thursday, August 26, 2010


I had lunch with Kylee, Kristi and my mom last Saturday. Kylee was on a role with the insults. It was funny because I know she didn't mean them to be offensive but they just kept coming out of her mouth.

First, we were talking about how much weight I'd gained and that I didn't think I'd gain much more before the baby comes and she says: I don't think you COULD get much wider Aunt Kim. We all just looked at her and busted out laughing. She didn't realize she had just insulted me by basically calling me a wide load. She's lucky I have a good sense of humor.
Later that day, we were riding in the car, listening to the radio and I was using my "in front of other people singing voice" and she says: I feel sorry for this baby when it comes time to sing him to sleep. I said why? And she said: Because Uncle Tony can't carry a tune and you sing all weird on purpose. How is he every gonna fall asleep with that?
I said: We can always hum. :-)

My Grandma

This is random, but it's been going through my mind a lot throughout this pregnancy so I'm gonna write about it. I'm kinda mad at my grandma, not really mad but mad at the situation I guess. She died suddenly last year around Thanksgiving. Before I got married, I used to joke with her that she needed to stick around until I found a man and got married because she was there for everybody else's weddings...and she did. Once I was married, I joked that she wasn't aloud to go anywhere until I had a baby...well as you can see, that didn't happen. Sadly, she died the month before I got pregnant. In the last 5 or so years since I have lived on the same side of town as my grandparents, I got to know them a little better since I visited them more often. I always enjoyed shocking them with my exploits of things I did that they may not have appoved of but I think they appreciated me sharing with them. It was fun to see her go from shocked and picking her jar off the floor to being a little more open minded about things everytime we talked. Anyway, I know she would have loved to see me go through all this baby stuff. I'm sure I could have made her blush several times with talk of baby making and everything I've experienced this year.
I guess the problem is that I'm somewhat jealous that she got to meet and experience Kylee and my other cousin's babies and she isn't around to see mine. I know she won't see Denise's new baby but it's not the same. This is my first and possibly only baby. She got to meet everyone else's first and second. Maybe it's selfish of me to think this way but it has been bugging me throughout this pregnancy for some reason. One thing that makes it okay I guess is the thought that maybe she just needed to hand deliver the message to God that Kim and Tony need a baby. After trying for 2 years with nothing happening, I was about to throw in the towel. But considering the fact that the month after she died, I got pregnant, I just like to think she wentup there and told God it was time for this to happen. I know she is watching all this happen from up there but it would have been nice for her to see it in person. Anyway, that's my random thought for the week. I'm just ready to have this baby now.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

39 week appt

Here's my 39 week pic.

Still weighing in at 172, so I guess this baby is just eating all my calories. Good for me, hopefully okay for him. I don't want a 9 lb baby. I've been treating myself to a dessert pretty much everyday lately. :-) Dr. says he will probably top out at 8 to 8.5 if he goes to the due date. We talked induction today and the Dr. and I decided to schedule an induction for next Friday September 3 if the baby doesn't come by then. That way, he can deliver him and I won't have to wait until after the long weekend. I'm good with that.

He says I'm still about 2cm dilated but I'm 80% effaced, which I guess that's how soft my cervix is. Other than that, I was having a few little contractions today and I told him the baby isn't moving as much so he put me on the NST machine again. Everything looked great, the heartrate is still in the140s.

Friday will officially be my last day at work, if I make it that long. So glad to have to end dates now. One for work and one for the pregnancy. I will only be pregnant 9 more days at the most. AMEN! I hope I make it to this weekend.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Contractions and 38 week appt

Well, I got my first taste of REAL contractions yesterday. I woke up with pain in my upper abdomen which didn't go away all day. Good thing I had a dr. appt that morning. At work, I had my annual review, so I did that in case I wasn't coming back for whatever reason. Got a raise finally after a 2 year freeze. When to the doctor at 11 and got a growth ultrasound. Everything looked good and she said the baby is weighing around 7.5 pounds. He is in the 80 percentile which means he's a bit chubby but still in a decent range. As I was laying there, the pain in my abdomen was getting worse. When I went into my exam I told the doctor this as I starting tearing up from the pain. He checked me out and said I'm dilated between 1 & 2 centimeters and my cervix is softening which is all good news. He put me on this NST machine (I don't know what that stands for), which can basically tell if you are having real or fake contractions. I was on there for about 20 minutes. The baby was not really cooperating, he was sleeping. So they woke him up with this buzzer thing and then we could see that I was having a few real contractions but nothing to freak out about. they only went up to about 35 on the meter which is not bad if 100 is the highest. The doctor said if they don't go away, then they will put me into labor soon but if they do go away, they can come back in a day or two and just come and go for the next week or so until it puts me into labor. Well, I had a painful day with some more contractions but finally they let up around 10pm last night. Today I feel better but his movements are getting a little more painful. I'm not really looking forward to the pain of all this if what I had today was just a bleep on the radar of the really bad contractions. Pain meds are gonna be the first thing I ask for when I get to the hospital.

I weighed the same as last week 172. So I'm still at 26 pounds total so far. He said my dizzy spells and blurred vision are probably because I need to eat more or better. My hands still hurt alot everyday. Yesterday I could barely hold a pen in my left hand because my pointer finger hurt so much. Not much I can do about it though. I finally packed the hospital bag, at least for the most part. I'm sure there are some things I've forgetten but at least I've got something in there.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Done, done, and done

Got lots of things done this weekend. Last Wednesday my work gave me a little shower and a gift card to BRU. So on Friday, Tony and I took the day off to spend the day together. We went to lunch at Hamburger Mary's and I got some fried twinkies, YUM, then we saw The Expendables (his choice) and then we went baby shopping for our last bit of stuff we need (my choice). We had a $200 gift card so we got the Pack N Play, a swing, diaper bag, a some other little things.

On Saturday, my mom came over and helped me put together the PNP, swing and a book shelf. Thanks goodness she helped and we did it now because I am running out of gas. I don't know where people say they get a burst of energy at the end because I'm heading in the opposite direction. Tony got the garage in better shape but there is still more to do in there. We just need one car to fit right now, at this point, we can fit about a half a car.

Tony is so cute, I think he is trying to spend as much alone time with me as possible lately. He even came in and watched a chick flick with me on Saturday night with no complaints and I didn't even ask him to watch it. He just came in the living room and laid down on my lap and we watched the whole thing together. After it was over, I told him I was proud of him and he just said he watched it because he likes Kevin Klein movies. Uh huh, whatever you say. ;-) It's kinda sad but nice to see the change that has come over him in the last few weeks or months about all this. It's sad because we both realize that change is headed our way and we are both scared s**tless but we are coming together for it. But it's also neat to see him finally come to some sort of terms with it and I just know what a good dad he is gonna be. Whether he has faith in himself or not, I know he will be great. Between him, the cat and the dog, I'm feeling very loved in my house. I hope they all act this way when the baby gets here.

I've washed pretty much all the clothes and blankets etc. that I can. It took 4 loads but it's done. Pretty much I jsut need to pack the hospital bag now. I think I've been putting it off because I'm scared to pack it. I don't know. I really don't think this baby is coming until at least the end of next week but I just can't bring myself to pack that bag yet. Everyone is getting on me about it.

Baby has definitely dropped but it hasn't really eliviated any o f my issues. Acid reflux is still in high gear and now I have to pee even more. Tomorrow we get to see the baby one more time before he is an outside baby. Hopefully everything is going well and I've made some progress.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

37 week pic

I look a little too excited in this picture.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

37 week appt.

So the doctor thinks this baby is about 7 pounds already. I get another ultrasound next week so we can see what we are dealing with concerning size. I think he's gonna be an 8 pounder but what do I know. I'm just glad I get to see him again. His heartbeat was around 140 and she told me what I thought was his butt poking out at me is actually his knee or foot. I think he has definitely dropped this week. I think I can see it in the pictures and I have to go to the bathroom much more lately and I feel a little more lower pressure. Supposedly I gained 4 pounds in one week. I weighed in on a different scale that always makes me heavier than I am so I'll just wait until next week to see if I really ballooned or not. I don't think I did but who knows. So as of now I've gained 26 pounds. I am negative for the Strep test. Yeah! No antibiotics unless I have a c-section. Other than that, everything looks good and I still feel blah, which is to be expected I guess.

P.S. Yeah, I'm finally a watermelon. Aren't you excited mom?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

37 weeks

Baby is moving like crazy the past few days. He actually hurt me yesterday. He must have rolled over of something because I jumped back from my chair in pain and had to stand up. But he just kept on moving like it was nothing. He has been very active this week. Hopefully that means he is making his way down and getting ready to come out. The past few days I've been waking up 5x a night to go to the bathroom. I thought it was bad when I woke up 3x a night. I hope that means some sort of progress is happening. The acid reflux is no better though. I don't know what has been my worse issue with being pregnant, but that is way up there.

Right now I'm so miserable and focused on getting him out that I keep forgetting (not really) about what happens once he is here. We are gonna be parents! We are responsible for this little creature forever or at least 18 years. :-) I complain about the sleepless nights now but I know a different kind of sleepless night is coming. At this point though, I look forward to only napping for 3 months while I'm off work, at least in a few weeks I will physically feel better and I'll just be tired, not both at the same time. At least that's what I hope.

Sadie and Joy are still all in love with me. I wonder if Joy will change once the baby gets here. She really couldn't care less about me before I got pregnant, now she is in LOVE with me. She almost likes me more than Tony now. Sadie is just doing a good job of being my protector. Wherever I am, she is not far away. She even guards the doorway when I'm taking a bath. She is jealous of Joy being around me so much but nothing I can do about that. She has been more vocal lately, trying to talk to me I guess. I think they will both do well in their own little way with the baby but there will be a big transition for everybody once he gets here.

Tony is still scared to death of what is coming. He's never really failed at much in his life, so I dont' know why he thinks he will be bad at all this. I think he will be great (as long as he doesn't sleep through every night feeding and diaper change). He is instinctually good with kids but he doesn't think he is. Everyone else can see it though. He is a 34 yr old big kid and I think that will be good and help him in these early years. He is worried that his heart is only big enough to love me and I told him that his heart will make room for this baby. There is almost no way he couldn't love it. We made this baby together, out of love and that is what we will get in return from it. He is also afraid of not being #1 in my life but I told him that we just have to make sure we make time for each other. I'm scared that because he's a boy, maybe they will like each other better than me and I'll be the odd woman out down the road. I don't think Tony really thinks about all my fears of what's happening or gonna happen. I have a lot of fears too.

Friday, August 6, 2010

35 & 36 week pics

35 weeks, no makeup and looking miserable

36 weeks and looking better since I got some sleep the night before.

Carpel Tunnel

I now have carpel tunnel in both hands. I have a brace I'm wearing at work but it doesn't do much. Dr. says it should go away soon after I have the baby. For now, there's not much I can do about it. I woke up last night thinking I broke my finger. I just sat there in the dark touching it and moving it thinking it was broken, it hurt so bad. But alas, it is fine, my fingers are just killing me all day now. I feel like I have arthritis. So this is my newest fun pregnancy symptom. I've had it about 5 days now. On a good note, my back hasn't been hurting as much lately so I guess I've just replaced one ache with another. Such is life I guess.
Hopefully getting some sun at the beach this weekend will give me a boost of energy and feeling good so I can get through these last few weeks.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

36 weeks appt

I'm measuring back on track this week at 36 weeks. I was 5 days ahead last time. I gained no weight so I'm still holding strong at 168 for a total of 22 pounds of weight gain. Baby's heartbeat sounded wonderful and everything looks good with me too. Got the group strep B test today. Basically it's something that if I have it, it won't hurt me but can hurt the baby when he is born. I find out the results next week. If I have it, then I have to take antibiotics now and ASAP at the hospital and the baby will have to take antibiotics when he's born. The only thing that scares me about this is the antibiotics part. After having C-diff last year from the antibiotics, I'm more prone to getting it again. I don't know what I will do with myself if I got it again. It was terrible and scary and I don't know if I coudl handle it with a newborn baby to take care of. Pray I don't have it.

He did an internal and says that baby is still way up there and no dialation. So I guess that means he gonna be in there for a while longer, which is good for him and not so good for me. Baby still needs to be in there for a little longer to grow but I am physically done. I'm trying not to be selfish or sound selfish about it but I am truly done with being pregnant. I'm finding it hard to think of anything positive about how I feel. I'm miserable and in pain everyday and I know most pregnant women feel this way by this point, but I just can't lie to myself anymore. I know I have no choice but to keep going, the baby will come when he's ready, but physically, I'm done and mentally it's taking it's toll on me too.
Word to the people, tell me I can do it, give me positive energy to get through these last few weeks because I need it.
I bought myself some jellybeans and Tagamet at lunch today. Hopefully they will both make me feel a little better.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Hold on...

I have to got o the bathroom.
That is my life now. Everything I do, revolves on a trip to the bathroom. I am now a tester of every department store, movie theater, restaurant etc. bathroom that I come across. I should have invested in Scott Tissue a few months ago because I now go throw a roll every couple of days, I pee so much. I can't wait to have my body back. I know it will be a different body but hopefully I will have some resemblance of normal again once I pop this kid out. I have no idea how long it will take to get back to normal since I've never done this before but I'm definitely looking forward to it.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Last Lamaze class

I'm so glad we are done. Not because we didn't learn anything, because we did. But because I am so exhausted from the past 2 weeks. We've had 2 classes a week both weeks so it makes for a 14 hour day for me. Not sleeping well + 14 hours days = walking zombie.

For our last class we learned about c-sections and relaxation techniques. I don't know if I just missed the point on this or what but laying on the hard, disgusting floor, in the dark, listening to the teacher talk us through a relaxing, imaginary trip to the beach was not my idea of relaxing. I can't get comfortable in my own bed much less on the freaking hard floor! Maybe that was the point. To take yourself out of the uncomfortable position and imagine yourself somewhere else. If so, then give me a big fat F for fail. Not fun. Tony of course can fall asleep anywhere and someone started snoring. I don't know how they fell asleep but whatever.

Anyway, since we've taken the Lamaze, Breastfeeding, and Basic Infant Care classes, I guess we should know how to have a baby and take care of it once it's here. Uh huh! ;-) We learned some stuff but I think most of it will be on the job training. I think Tony needed some of it more than me but I guess I feel better knowing we've been told the correct and incorrect way to do some of this stuff.

P.S. The teacher said for recovery time I should not do any cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. for 2 weeks. She said a lot of people push themselves too hard too soon and it slows their recovery time. So take a couple of weeks off and then start adding things back to your normal routine. Needless to say, Tony was not too please with this advice. :-)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Um okay.

Let's put it this way, last night, Tony and I found out that I will be able to supply this baby with food from my body.
I'll just leave it at that. I'm sure that's too much info for some of you already, but this is my blog, so I'll right what I want. It's a pregnancy blog, what do you expect? ;-)

On another note, I can't wait until I no longer have to plan my day and night around bathroom breaks. This is getting stupid.

Last night of baby classes tonight. I'm so glad to be done. Too much time out of my days.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Breastfeeding class

We get there and within 15 minutes in class, Tony is falling asleep in his chair. Not even trying to hide it. I was THAT girl with THAT husband. I was deciding whether or not to get mad and then his head does that thing where you fall back and jerk up to wake yourself up. The people around us started laughing and he finally woke up looking like a dork. I said to him, you got your power nap so now stay awake or you will hurt my feelings. I was good about it for a few minutes but what was the point of him being there if he was just gonna sleep through the whole thing and make us look stupid. So luckily, he stayed awake for the rest of the class.

We learned a few things but it also raised some more questions.

3rd lamaze class

On Tuesday, we had our 3rd lamaze class. I can see why some people don't think much of these classes, but I also see the benefit to them. I personally am glad we are going to them. Even though we only learn 1 or 2 things that benefit us as a couple every class, we are still learning stuff.

This class we learned what kind of drugs I want during labor. I thought there were only 2 types of epidurals but there are actually 4, at least at Winnie Palmer.

Traditional - used only in C-sections

Light - the normal one, where you can't move or feel anything from you chest down (have to stay in bed the whole time, need a catheter)

Walking - drugs take away sensation of pain but you can still move about and walk around with help to move things along (less intense, less drugs, might need to convert to "Light" to take away pain towards the end, which takes 30 minutes, can feel contractions and know when to push)

Super Walking - same as the "Walking" except it has more pain meds so you won't need to convert in the latter part of labor (jus tthe right amount of pain meds and mobility)

So I've decided I want the Super Walking epidural. I want to be able to move around and keep things goings and it kinda freaks me out to not be able to feel anything. The teacher said in 6 years, no one has needed more drugs after getting this kind of epidural. So this sounds good to me.

She also said the from the time you request the epidural, it takes about an hour from start to finish before you get the full affects of it. So I need to request it before I think I really need it so I have it when I do. I can also get some Stadol in the meantime to tide me over until then. I jsut hate being in pain so I'm trying to be proactive with this.

Tony had to do this exercise where he had to cause me pain so I could block it out with our breathing exercises that we learned. I think he enjoyed that a little too much. I have a bruise on my arm where he squeezed the crap out of it. She said to do this 5x a day until birth so we can learn to focus on something other than the pain. sorry lady, but I'm not putting myself in pain everyday UNTIL labor. Once was enough. I get the point but no thanks, that's what the epidural is for. I better get one.

Also, some of my fears about the epi were put to rest. I found out that Winnie Palmer delivers the 2nd most babies in the world. In the world!!! And that they have no incidence of paralysis from epidurals, which is a big fear of mine. Not that it couldn't happen but it makes me feel a little safer. So they must know what they are doing.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

34 weeks 2 days appt.

Only gained 1.5 pounds in 2 weeks. Yeah for me. Now I have to keep it up. So I'm up a total of 22.5 pounds. Baby's heartbeat was 130 which is good. I'm measuring 35 weeks. Somehow I grew out or up an extra centimeter in the past 2 weeks, so I'm measuring about 5 days ahead. Doesn't mean anything really. It could have been extra fluid or the baby's postion or baby just gained a bit. Either way, the kid needs to stay in there until at least August 28. Anytime after that I'll be fine with. Do you hear that baby? :-)

Monday, July 19, 2010

31-33 week pics

31 weeks

32 weeks

33 weeks


The hormones or emotions are hitting me again. Just reading my weekly pregnancy report makes me tear up. Not because I'm all sentimental or whatever but because it will mention things that I should be going through around this time and they are just right on. I am going through all the stereotypical, normal pregnancy stuff right now. I read it and I'm like YES, that's exactly what I'm feeling or going through. But it makes me feel worse for some reason.
Today is a pretty miserable day for me. After the wedding on Saturday and only getting about 4 hours of sleep last night, I'm dragging and miserable at work. I had to sit through a 2 hour harassment meeting today which was basically torture. I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. 6 weeks still seems like such a far off time. I told work August 31 will be my last day even if baby isn't here yet. I just know that physically my body will be done with sitting in this chair at work for 8 hours a day by then, probably before then, but I'm gonna try to stick it out.

Tony is starting to voice his fears more now. It's good that he is saying it out loud now. That way, more people can give him pep talks and advice. If he wasn't scared, then I'd be worried.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

2nd baby class

So tonight we saw 2 birth videos. They were kinda boring and dragged on but in the end you see the actual birth. These ladies were spread eagle, crying, huffing and puffing, the husbands were all up in their business and we, the class had a front row seat to it all. Call me a child or immature but I had my hand over my eyes and looked away as much as I could for the grand finale. I just don't need to see that. I don't want to see my own self give birth much less see someone else pop one out 10 feet away from me. I was squirming and ready for it to be over and probably looked like an idiot but I don't care. I just can't handle stuff like that. Tony did a much better job at keeping his composure than I did. I asked him if he wants to see all that and he said, if he sees it, that's fine, if not, he'll just hang at the top of the bed with me. He's gonna wait until we are in the moment to decide. I really don't care if he goes to take a look at what's going on but I just told him whatever he sees, he can't hold it against me. :-) He's so cute, he was being very attentive and nodding when the teacher asked a question and stuff. I think he is learning some stuff. Last week at a poker game, he brought up something he learned in class and shocked the crap out of me. It was a proud moment. :-)

We also learned 2 breathing exercises. Tony has to do some hand signals and count as I breathe. Not sure I'll be doing those. I felt like I wasn't getting enough air, can't imagine doing them during labor.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Just complaining

Last night I went to bed at 11pm and didn't get to sleep until after 2am. This is becoming a trend, in bed around 11 and not getting to sleep until after 1am almost every night the past week. If I'm not up because of my heartburn, then I have to pee, or I'm just uncomfortable. My butt and back hurt, especially at work. I sit on a pillow and have one behind my back but it does no good. I get up every hour to walk around and my sciatic nerve is just killing me everyday. It takes about 5 minutes to walk it out and then I have to sit again for another hour and then repeat. I feel like an old lady. I'm not just waddling, I'm limping because of the pain. I hope I can make it at work for the next 7 weeks but if I'm in pain like this everyday, I don't know how I will. My butt hurts everyday from sitting. Tony must not believe me because he insists on smacking my butt at least once a day. I wish he could wear a pregnancy suit for the next 7 weeks and see how he feels. He thinks he would get used to it and it would be easy. Yeah right, whatever. He is helping me out more now because I think he can see that I'm more miserable lately. I have terrible acid reflux and heartburn now. I eat Tums like it's candy and I just bought some Maalox, which is digusting, but the combo of that and Tums seems to work at night. I'm getting up to pee about 3x before I can even try to have any chance of getting to sleep and then I wake up at about 3 and 6am everynight too. I'm getting to that point where I'm ready to be done with this crap and have this baby. But I know it's not time yet. AND, IT'S FREAKING HOT!

Friday, July 9, 2010


Last night Tony asked Joy the cat if she knew a baby was coming and how she felt about that. To some people, this would mean nothing, but for me, this was a big deal. He is finally starting to talk about everything more and realizing that this is really happening. Sad it took this long but happy he is finally coming to terms with it. He will say he is still in denial but at least he's vocalizing stuff now.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

1st baby class

We went to our 1st baby class last night. It was pretty informative and we both learned a few things. Tony's main objective was to be the funny guy in class. We ended up being the funny couple. We both had a few zingers that people laughed at. The teacher asked the men what the baby's name would be and Tony busted out with Blake, and the lady started writing it down and I looked at her and said DO NOT WRITE THAT DOWN! And she looked at me kinda confused and I just said, WE DO NOT AGREE. Everyone started laughing. I didn't mean to be so blunt about it, but she was gonna put Blake on the graduation certificate or something. So she said she will leave it as undecided and we all just laughed.
I bought Tony some Nerds to have after we got home for going to class and not falling asleep. I'm the best wife ever. :-)

32 week appt.

Dr. says everything sounds and looks good. I'm right on track with my weight and size. I did gain 7 pounds this month but he said I'm just catching up and I'm right where I should be. That doesn't make me feel any better about it though. I feel like I'm gonna be huge by the end of this. He said just don't make it a habit of gaining 7 pounds each month and I'll be fine.

So now I've officially gained 21 pounds total. Not too bad so far. My goal is to not gain more than 30 so we will see.

My gestational diabetes test came back great. Normal is anything under 140 and mine was 103. The heartbeat sounded great and the baby is head down.

I asked him how far past my due date will they let me go before intervening and he said 1 week. So this baby is coming by Labor Day no matter what. Good to know. I dont' know how much longer I could go anyway.

Baby shower

Had my baby shower a week and a half ago, June 26th. Everyone seemed to have a good time. It was a little hot but no one complained too much. Everyone was very generous with their gifts. Got a lot of good stuff we needed. There is still plenty to buy but we will get to it when we can get to it. It was good to see some people I don't get to see too often and hang out for a bit. Pretty much everyone I invited came and it felt good knowing so many people care about us and are looking forward to the new addition to the family. No one got weepy eyed so I am proud of both of the mother's for that. Good job. :-)Don't know what else to say about it.