Time off

Cyst is still there so I'm taking the month off. I've got other things to stress about so this will just be one less thing. I thought I would be torn about it but I'm not at the moment. I need some rest from all of this and I've got too much other stuff going on right now. So hopefully the cyst will go bye bye this month and we will try again next month.

Staying on the same protocol for at least one more month once we start again. After that, it's on to 4 shots a month. Exciting.

TOM

Tom showed up yesterday. Right on time. At least that is one thing about my body that works. So, today I have an appt with the Dr. to see what we do next. I am thinking of taking a month off so I won't be so stressed with the house, teeth and baby stuff happening all at once. Who knows. I guess I'll figure it out once we talk about it. I have to move on to another protocol next time anyway, so we'll see.

So, here we are

Here we are again, at the end of another cycle. Not the real end, just starting to feel my body wind down and get ready for whatever is coming next. A fork in the road. Go to the right and we are making a baby. Go to the left and we've got the same redundancy I've been having for the past year and a half...nothing. Which way is it gonna be God? I know I have no control over it. But I hate relying on others to get stuff done. So it's hard to just give it up to God at this point. Then again, I've been trying to do it on my own with no success so why not give it up to God. I'm tired.
So many lessons to learn. I just wish I didn't feel so beaten up by the time I learn them.
I don't even know if this makes any sense.
Going on Wednesday to talk about next cycle and what we are going to do. Don't know if I will even have a next cycle, could be pregnant but I just like having my ducks in a row. Should know this some time week if I'm postive or negative anyway.

Third times a charm?

I had my IUI today. Kinda weird talking to the doc about the next cycle when I just started this one. Not that we expect it to fail or anything, but if this one doesn't work, we have to regroup and move on to somethig else. I'm not very positive this month. Not much is going right in any aspect of my life so I don't have high hopes for this to work either. I feel tired, beaten down today. The house stuff is really getting to me. I feel like we just can't win at anything at the moment. Tony doesn't help. I can't tell if he is just being a butthead about the baby stuff or if that is just his way of putting his frustration about it on me instead of dealing with it himself. I need a shoulder to lean on but I feel like I'm carrying this whole load by myself. Every month it gets heavier. Maybe we will take next month off if it doesn't work. But then again, that comes with it's own set of anxiety and wondering. We will see. Hopefully we can take the next 9 months off. :-) See I still have some hope left. Just a little.

Onward

I've been doing OPK's all week hoping that I would actually ovulate this month since this stupid cyst is making my body act dumb. So last night I did one right before bed and it was a lot darker than anything this week, so I thought maybe I'll check again tomorrow and sure enough, + OPK this morning. So I went in for a folli scan just to see what this cyst is doing and see how big my follies are. I had one big one ready to go and the cyst is finaly shrinking. It was 18mm last Monday, now it is 14mm. So tomorrow is the IUI. Not really betting on this one since it's cycle day 20 and the folli is only at 17mm but anything can happen. If this one works, it will really be a miracle. Everything is against us this cycle...no meds, a cyst, late ovulation, only 1 follicle. But hey, I'm ready for it.

Still waiting

So I haven't ovulated yet, and it's cycle day 17. I usually ovulate around day 16-20 when I'm not on drugs so I'm still waiting. No sign so far. I'm just confused as to what this cycle is gonna be like. Is that stupid cyst gonna not let me ovulate or just do it later than normal? I hate not knowing what is going on inside of me. And I hate that this is probably a wasted month. Now I have to hope and pray that the cyst goes away before the next cycle or I'll be waiting some more. They say that cysts usually take 1-3 months to go away on there own, but if this one isn't gone this cycle then I'm taking the BCP to break it up next cycle. I'm too impatient for this stuff.

Confused

What just happened? I went in on Friday for a follicle scan and I had 2 that were at 12mm each. One on each ovary. I also still had the cyst on my left ovary but she said it looked like it was starting to break down. Fast forward to today, I go in for another scan to see when I should take the ovidrel shot. Well, the 2 follicles that were at 12mm are no longer there, there are just a couple smaller ones instead. My cyst is still there, not getting any bigger but not really any smaller either. So what happened? The nurse said I might have ovulated already, but I'm only on cycle day 13. I've never ovulated that early or I might not ovulate at all because of the cyst. She pretty much didn't have a straight answer, so they took more bloodwork to check my progesterone and estrogen levels. I guess that will tell us if I did ovulate or what the heck is going on. So confusing.
Basically it looks like this month is shot. Now I just wonder when it will end since I have no idea what is going on with my body.