Wednesday, June 24, 2009


Bitter party of one! That would be me. Well this month just sucked the big one all over the place. No I am not pregnant. Shocking, I know. On to IUI# 3. Lucky #3? We will see. Do I have faith that it will actually work this time? Yes, but only because I don't believe God wants us to be childless and 3 is my favorite number so maybe it will be lucky for us this time. Do I actually think it will work this time? Probably not. Why would it? What's gonna be different this time? I hope that's not putting negative energy out there but I'm just being honest with myself. I've got conflicting ideas going on in my head about all this. I've got faith on one side telling me anything is possible and trying to be realistic on the other, the %'s are not on our side. I refuse to believe that we will not be able to have a baby. So that's why I take these pills and shoot myself with meds, for the hope that it will happen.

Here we are a year and a half into this thing and nothing to show for it but doctor bills and a broken heart. Is it getting harder and harder to put myself through this every month? Yes, but it wouldn't be worth it if it wasn't so hard I guess. I just don't understand why it has to be so hard for me and so easy for others. God must believe I am one strong woman to put me through this. I know he won't give me any obstacle I can't overcome or handle but sometimes it's overwhelming, especially with everything else going on. I know other people have it worse off than me in one way of the other but this is my day of the month that I let myself go off on this stuff so I'm venting and having a pity party.

God, I'm just asking that you go easy on me this month. Give me the strength to deal with whatever happens, good or bad. And give me patience to live on your time and not mine. I'm trying.

So here we go again. Good luck to myself and Tony. We need it. :-)

No comments:

Post a Comment