Monday, April 12, 2010

Freak out!

I had a mini freak out last night. I didn't sleep well last night at all. At first I just couldn't get comfortable and then I just started thinking and that usually doesn't bode well for getting a good night's sleep. I just started thinking about having to go grocery shopping with a baby. How will I know how to fit the carseat on the cart? Will Tony just have to come with me everytime or do I just leave the baby at home? Or, if I go to church, do I bring the baby inside in the carseat or in the whole stroller? What if it starts crying? Do I just leave church or any other function I may be at? What if I have trouble breastfeeding? I don't want everyone looking at my boobs trying to help me, so what do I do in that situation? I kept trying to remember what I've seen other mom's do and it was like I have never seen another mom do anything with a baby. I guess never having to deal with those situations, I've never really looked for those things.

Anyway, thoughts like those kept me up for a while and I had a mini panic attack. Everyone is so concerned with how Tony is dealing with all this that I kinda feel left by the way side like I will just know what to do when it happens so no one seems too concerned with me. Well, I'm scared to death to think of all the things I have no idea how to do with this kid.

I'm excited to find out for sure if it's a boy or girl on Thursday but it also will mean that it's all really happening. Things will start to be bought for it, the room will start to come together, our life is gonna change and that is freaking scary. I don't think either one of us realize what we are in for. I lay in bed atnight before I go to bed and just listen to the silence and know that it will not always be like this. I know in the beginning it's gonna be hard but I just hope there are lots of happy moments in there to make it all worth while. I know there will be but right now I can not even imagine what our life will be like in about 4-5 months.

Just had to get that out of my head. Let the freak outs begin. I know they are coming.

On a good note, I felt the baby from the outside last night. I got Tony out there to feel it but of course it stopped before he could. But at least now it's kicking hard enough to feel so I'm sure Tony will feel it in the next couple weeks.

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