Tuesday, November 30, 2010

First day

First day of daycare for Jax and first day back at work for me. Let me just talk about Jaxson's first day since his was much better than mine. He started his day at 4:30am tossing and turning. I tried to get him to go back to sleep but by 5:15, I gave up and fed him. I went back to bed for 45 minutes and then I was up for the day. There is a big difference between waking up at 6:30am feeding a baby and going back to sleep for 3 more hours and waking up at 6:30am, feeding at baby and going to work for 10 hours. The latter one sucks. Anyway, he was a happy baby all morning. the closer I got to daycare the more I almost cried, but I sucked it up the best I could. I dropped him off at 7:30. He laughed at me a couple of times and I held him for a few minutes before I left. I left him with a smile on his face and a tear in my eye. I got to work and the first hour seemed like 4. The day dragged on and on and it wasn't even lunch yet. My boobs were killing me since I fed him so early so I pumped around 9:30. Then I pumped again after lunch. And then again before I went home. Each time was harder and harder. For one thing, my boobs aren't used to being pumped that often in a row, so it hurt and all I could think about while I was in there pumping was that I should be holding my baby feeding him, not sitting in a closet looking into a filing cabinet using a machine. But I made it through my day without crying so far. Finally it was time to go home. I picked Jaxson up and the teacher said he did very well. He played and laughed and smiled and he is very strong. But he also has a set of lungs on him and they had to change his outfit 4x because he spit up so much. Overall, though, he had a good day. When I got there, he was sleeping like a baby. Once I put him into his carseat, he woke up and gave me a smile. Broke my heart. I got into the car and he started to cry, so I started to cry and kept crying off and on all night. Jaxson just ate and went to bed and ate and went to bed again for the night. Is that all the interaction I get with my kid now?
Overall, it was a very long and hard day for me and I guess I will never know how it really was for him. I just don't want to lose the bond that we've created over the past 3 months. I'm sad. Everyone says it gets better, but we will see. Day 2 isn't much better so far but at least I got more sleep last night.

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