Discouraging news

I went to see Dr Loy yesterday so he could explain this next step in our process. I thought we would be going to injectables next cycle but now we are on a break until next year. I could still be pregnant at this very moment but if not then no more IUIs until 2010. That seems so far away. Because of this stupid c-diff issue I'm having he says I need to get healthy before we start again. Which makes sense. I've been on too much medicine lately and he says we need to get it out of my system so he can do a biopsy on my uterus to make sure I don't have a bacterial infection in there which could be prohibiting me from getting pregnant. They took my blood yesterday too to test my ovarian reserve. Won't find out for 2 weeks about that.

Also, he dropped the bomb that he went to a seminar and found out that the new thing to do is to go from IUI/ovidrel/femera straight to IVF. No stopping at the injectables. We don't have to go that route but he said that it lessens the chance of multiples and gives you a much greater chance of having a baby. He said it looks like that is gonna be our best shot. He doesn't understand why I'm not pregnant yet with everything we've done. I just started crying. Yesterday was just a bad bad day for me. Everything just came crashing down on me and I lost it. I've been sick or in pain al summer and into the fall and then to be told that, I had to go home from work after my appointment. I'm just so overwhelmed. At the start of all this it was kinda fun and exciting trying to get pregnant. Now, it's just plain scary and depressing. Thinking of all the money it looks like we are gonna have to spend and then we aren't even guaranteed a baby. And then what if nothing works? Are we destined to not have a biological baby? Just typing that hurts my heart. Will we adopt? And then there's the Tony issue. He can never seem to have a serious conversation about this. He just keeps saying 2011. I know he's on board with the baby stuff but he justwon't talk serious about it. He says he's indifferent about it because he doesn't want to get upset about it every month like I do. I get that, but I need to talk about it.