This is random, but it's been going through my mind a lot throughout this pregnancy so I'm gonna write about it. I'm kinda mad at my grandma, not really mad but mad at the situation I guess. She died suddenly last year around Thanksgiving. Before I got married, I used to joke with her that she needed to stick around until I found a man and got married because she was there for everybody else's weddings...and she did. Once I was married, I joked that she wasn't aloud to go anywhere until I had a baby...well as you can see, that didn't happen. Sadly, she died the month before I got pregnant. In the last 5 or so years since I have lived on the same side of town as my grandparents, I got to know them a little better since I visited them more often. I always enjoyed shocking them with my exploits of things I did that they may not have appoved of but I think they appreciated me sharing with them. It was fun to see her go from shocked and picking her jar off the floor to being a little more open minded about things everytime we talked. Anyway, I know she would have loved to see me go through all this baby stuff. I'm sure I could have made her blush several times with talk of baby making and everything I've experienced this year.
I guess the problem is that I'm somewhat jealous that she got to meet and experience Kylee and my other cousin's babies and she isn't around to see mine. I know she won't see Denise's new baby but it's not the same. This is my first and possibly only baby. She got to meet everyone else's first and second. Maybe it's selfish of me to think this way but it has been bugging me throughout this pregnancy for some reason. One thing that makes it okay I guess is the thought that maybe she just needed to hand deliver the message to God that Kim and Tony need a baby. After trying for 2 years with nothing happening, I was about to throw in the towel. But considering the fact that the month after she died, I got pregnant, I just like to think she wentup there and told God it was time for this to happen. I know she is watching all this happen from up there but it would have been nice for her to see it in person. Anyway, that's my random thought for the week. I'm just ready to have this baby now.
Oh, Kim. How sweet. I wish you had said something. Maybe you should tell this to your Grandpa. He might like to hear it.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I used to enjoy shocking them too when I first came in to the family.
Love ya,
Mom
Kim, I agree 100% with you. From the time you announced you were expecting I prayed for you and wished there was a way to turn back time, if only that were possible. You have some very good perspective on all of this and I thank you for that. I think your mom is right, you should (if you haven't already) have a heart to heart with Grandpa. I wish there were some right thing to say (I know that wasn't your purpose of this particular blog), but I do wish I had just the right words or magic potion. Just remember you are loved and know Grandma would be so proud of your precious little boy, he will be simply perfect. Love you, Denise
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