New pics

Me and Jaxson in his cowboy outfit which I had to cut off to get him out of it. I didn't know there were snaps in the back. Oh well. :-P

Me and Jax playing around with the camera. He was so interested in looking at it.

Such a cutie.

My sweet sleeping boy.

Jax in his Halloween costume. He was such a good sport.

Coo and a smile

Jaxson as cooing now and he is officially smiling for real. No more guessing if it's gas or not. It's so cute that he recognizes me now and occassionally I'll get a little grin from him. At first you can tell he is gonna smile by his eyes. His little eyes just light up and squint a little and then this little crocked smiles shows up. It's so cute. He is making little baby sounds now too. Cooing and awing.

1 month Dr. visit

FINALLY!!! Jaxson finally made it back to his birth weight. He now weighs 8 lbs 3 oz again. Way to go. He is now 21.75 inches so he grow a half an inch. His head is 15 inches around. Doctor says everything else looks good too.
I met with a lactation consultant today. She said wathced me feed him and she weighed him to see how much milk he is getting. She said he is getting a good amount and latching on well. She jsut said I need to feed him more often if I want to get my supply up to be able to breast feed when I go to work in 2 months. The schedule they want you to keep is crazy, I think I would have a meltdown if I did it. So I'm gonna do my best do what I can and see how it goes.

1 month old

Well, Jaxson is 1 month old today. Can't believe its been that long already. He is more alert now and getting so cute everyday. I've noticed that he is studying us more when he is awake. He just looks at us and makes little faces. He smiles occassionally but I don't think it's on purpose yet but we are getting there. Hopefully that will happen ths month. He is such a good baby. He only cries when he is hungry or when we are annoying him by bathing him or changing his diaper. He likes to have his face kissed on each side and turns toward you as if to kiss you back. It's very cute. He loves to be outside and see the shadows and light that the sun makes, but he also falls asleep in his stroller after a few minutes. We can't figure out if he likes being swaddled or not. He fights it but he sleeps better when he is swaddled. We've tried leaving him out of it but his little arms just flail about and hit him i the face so he can't fall asleep. I've finally learned how to swaddle, not very good but I can do it now. Tony has something about him that just calms him much more easily than I do. He is more patient and doesn't get as flustered as I do I guess. He is the baby whisperer at night. :-)

I really wish we could start letting him sleep more at night, but we are still trying to get his weight up. So we are still on a 2.5 hr feeding schedule during the day and a 3-3.5 hr schedule at night. I have to go to the doctor tomorrow and I'm sure he will yell at me again because he is not gaining at the speed he wants him to. We are trying our hardest though.

Overall, it's been an exciting, interesting, exhausting, and educational month. We are all figuring each other out more and more each day.

Weight check & 3 week pics.

It's been a week since Jaxson's last weight check. He weighed 7lbs 9 oz last Thrusday, today he weighs 7lbs 12 oz. Yeah he gained weight but the doctor still says it is not enough. He only gained half of what he should have in a week. He is supposed to be gaining an ounce a day and he only gained 1/2 ounce a day. So he told me I need to figure outif I am producing enough milk or not. Also, I need to put him on the boob for 15 min, burp him and then put him on the other boob for 15 min. Everyone tells mesomething different how the heck am I supposed to get it right with such conflicting responses from doctors? At least I didn't get yelled at this time. It was a different doctor. He said it's good he is gaining but he needs to pick up the pace at this point. So, I'm still stressed over all this but at least he is gaining something. If I have to do more formula then so be it, but I'm not gonna give up the breast feeding. We go back on Monday for his 1 month checkup so hopefully this weekend we can fatten him up some more. This is so frustrating.

Failure to Thrive

Failure to Thrive, what a terrible thing for a first time mom to see written about your baby. That hurts my heart just writing it. I know it isn't my fault, but it still doesn't make me feel any better.

This has a been a very trying week. Jaxson had his 2 week check up on Monday. We get there and they ask the normal questions for a physical, then they take him to be weighed. Last time we were there was when he was 5 days old and he weighed must have weighed about 7 lbs. He had lost some extra weight after being born which is normal. So when they weighed him on Monday he only weighed 7 lbs 3 ozs. The doctor started freaking out about how he hadn't gained enough of his weight back yet. He said we had to make sure nothing was wrong so he sent us for more tests, which meant more heel pricks for our baby. We had lots of questions for the doctor but he kinda rushed us tothe hospital. So they took 3 vials of blood and they asked us to wait 15 min to make sure it was a good draw. Sure enough, the nurse comes out and says they have to do it again because the draw was bad. I had already been crying since being in the dr. office and having to get him stuck again just killed me. So, we did the draw again and finally it was good to test. We got the test back later that day and of course they were fine. I never thought anything was wrong with him, I was just exhausted and sad for him.

So we get a call from the doctor and he says we had to supplement formula every 4 hours. So we had to feed him every 2 hours for the next 3 days. Luckily the grandparents and my sister were able to help out and let us sleep for a bit or we would have been wiped out. He said if Jaxson didn't gain weight by today, then he would have to put him in the hospital. Long story short, after a long and very tiring week, Jaxson gain 6 ozs. So now he weighs 7 lbs 9 ozs. We still have to feed him more often but we can start to extend it now and I don't have to give him formula unless I need to. We have to go back again for a weight check next Thursday just to make sure whatever we are doing is still working.

We think the problem was that I was breastfeeding him incorrectly. I was feeding him for 10 minutes on each breast instead of letting him finish one whole side so he could get the fatty milk that comes at the end of the session. Basically I was giving him skim milk. I was justfollowing what I was told from the hospital. They tell you so many things when you are on drugs and out of it, so maybe they told me something different but I don't know. It's all so confusing.

2 week pic

Looking a lot like daddy this week.

Such a sweet boy.

First week

The first week with Jaxson has pretty much been a blur. We had family over to help us out which was great. I know we wouldn't have been able to do it alone. It's been trying at times and really neat at times. I've had a few breakdowns in the midst of all this but I know it will all get easier as all 3 of us get to know each other better and Jaxson gets bigger. Tony has done so good at being a dad so far. He has taken to it so naturally and I knew he would all along. I, on the other hand have been trying to get better from my c-section so I have missed out on some of the bonding time that everyone else has had with him. I know it will all change as family isn't here everyday help us take care of him and I will be his main caretaker during the day. I'm still very emotional about having the c-section. I don't know why exactly. Too many hormones going through me right now. Can't wait for those to go away or at least settle down at bit. Overall, it has been a blessed week, ready for week 2.

Little things

Some little things I've learned about Jaxson so far.

1. He cries like a girl, which is so cute. But then again, maybe all babies cry like girls at first.
2. He will occassionally purr when nursing.
3. He has Tony's eyes.
4. He is a trooper. Got stuck inthe heel 3x last week for jaundice and barely cried.
5. He is stubborn like his mom and dad.
6. He likes to sleep on his side.
7. He has big hands and feet.
8. He likes the right boob, doesn't care for the left. I find this strange and frustrating.
9. He also like to play for a few minutes before breastfeeding, I'm told this is called Mouthing.
10. He is such a sweet boy.
11. He can already hold his pacifier in his mouth.
12. He loves his daddy and mommy.
13. He likes to go outside and look at the sky.
14. He likes to be swaddled but also fights to get his hands out during the night.
15. He has an angel kiss above his right eye.

Welcome to the world Jaxson Blake Ricciardo

Jaxson Blake Ricciardo entered the world at 6:37pm on Friday, September 3, 2010. He weighed 8.3 pounds and was 21.25 inches long. He has light brown/blondish hair. He came out screaming bloody murder and didn't stop for about a half hour. I had to have a c-section because we had some complications with his bp dropping really low with the contrations and I hadn't progressed at all in 3 hours. His head was starting to become coneheaded. So the doctor said it was the only way to get him out without putting both of us at risk. As soon as Iheard I had to have the c-section I began to cry. This was not the way I wanted things to go. I was so scared but everyone reassured me it would be okay and I'd see my baby boy in a few minutes. Tony got in his scrubs and my mom kissed me and cried as we went on our way.

The c-section wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I thought it would hurt but it didn't. I'm glad they didn't tell me when they were going to start opening me up because it would have made it worse. Tony stayed behind the curtain with me and before we even knew they began, we heard this crazy loud scream coming from Mr. Jaxson. Tony stood up and saw them pulling him out of me. He said it was really neat. He got to watch them sew my uterus upwhile it was on my chest. Jaxson just screamed the whole time even after they took him out of the room. They laid him on my chest and I met my boy. He was so cute and small. Tony looked so proud and happy in the pictures we took. The doctor said once he got in there, my uterus was swelling so the c-section was the only way to get him out safetly and he was glad we decided to do it. That made me feel much better about it.

They had to take me to recovery for a couple of hours. My epidural was making me shake so bad that I thought I was gonna shatter my teeth. They had to give me 4 shots of demerol to get it to stop. Tony took the baby to show everyone while I was in there.

We had lots of visitors throughout the weekend. We went home on Monday, September 6. Everything is pretty much a blur at the moment. I'm still trying to remember as much as I can.

Last day with an inside baby

Well, it looks like tomorrow is the day. I really don't think he is coming on his own today so we will just have to give him a push (no pun intended) tomorrow. My body has slowly lost steam this week. I feel pretty crappy and just ready to get the show on the road. I feel a little sad and guilty about this week because I really don't feel that excited or scared or anything other than ready to get this baby out of me and start our next chapter. I haven't really been able to enjoy this last week with him inside me because I am just so over being pregnant at this point. I don't know if other people feel this way or not but that's just how I feel right now. I know tomorrow I will feel completely different about everything and I will be excited and scared and everything else that comes along with all this but for now, I'm over it all. Tomorrow I will probably be a mess of emotions and that's okay.

Overall, I've enjoyed parts of being pregnant and I've loathed parts of being pregnant. Would I do it again in the future? Probably maybe. At least next time I will have an idea of what I'm in for. I've enjoyed the kicks and wiggles and loathed the devil that is acid reflux.

Baby,
We are excited and scared to welcome you into our world tomorrow. I hope we can be the best parents that we can be. We will love you and protect you with eveything we have. See you soon.

God,
Please watch over us and keep us all safe and healthy. I know I'm asking a lot but please make tomorrow as pain free and stress free as possible and give us strength and courage to get through the long day. And thanks for blessing us with this little miracle baby.

Stay tuned...

DUE DATE

Well, the due date is finally here and I don't think he is gonna come today. No signs pointing in that direction. So I guess I'll just reflect on the good and bad of my pregnancy today so I can look back and remember what I'm getting myself into if we decide to have another baby one day. Everyone says you forget all the bad stuff and it's all worth it once you hold the baby in your arms. I guess I really can't believe that until it happens.

I'll start with the bad so I can end on a good note.
The Bad:

• Taking 2 years to finally happen
• Migraines & back pain
• Not knowing if I could carry to term because of previous issues
• The loneliness of it all sometimes
• Aversion to chicken for 4 months
• Acid Reflux is the devil
• Hormonal breakdowns
• Pain in my hands and feet from swelling
• Restless nights
• Peeing 5x a night
• Just being uncomfortable in my own body/ Feeling useless to help with anything physical
• Not knowing if everything is gonna be okay until he is finally here

The Good:

• Finally getting pregnant after 2 long years of trying
• Seeing that little bean on the screen for the first time
• Feeling the pop, pop, pops for the first time
• Seeing a little human being inside me on screen for the first time
• Feeling him kick and roll
• Getting a little more attention than normal
• People being nicer to me
• Seeing Tony and myself transform through out this process
• Giving the gift of a new great grandson, grandson, niece, cousin and nephew to my family
• Seeing how excited everyone is about his arrival
• Seeing the 3D pics and seeing the possible traits of mine and Tony's in him
• Creating something that will connect Tony and I forever
• The antcipation of it all
• Becoming a mama

I'm sure there are more things on both sides but that's it for now.

Tony finally got the garage so we can park both cars in it but I still don't think I want to park in there. The carseat base is in the car. The room is ready...enough. The business is up to date. The bags are packed. And I'm ready to get this show on the road. Tony is fine if it doesn't happen until Friday but I'm ready now. I guess it's all up to baby at this point. I hate waiting.

Kylee

I had lunch with Kylee, Kristi and my mom last Saturday. Kylee was on a role with the insults. It was funny because I know she didn't mean them to be offensive but they just kept coming out of her mouth.

First, we were talking about how much weight I'd gained and that I didn't think I'd gain much more before the baby comes and she says: I don't think you COULD get much wider Aunt Kim. We all just looked at her and busted out laughing. She didn't realize she had just insulted me by basically calling me a wide load. She's lucky I have a good sense of humor.
Later that day, we were riding in the car, listening to the radio and I was using my "in front of other people singing voice" and she says: I feel sorry for this baby when it comes time to sing him to sleep. I said why? And she said: Because Uncle Tony can't carry a tune and you sing all weird on purpose. How is he every gonna fall asleep with that?
I said: We can always hum. :-)

My Grandma

This is random, but it's been going through my mind a lot throughout this pregnancy so I'm gonna write about it. I'm kinda mad at my grandma, not really mad but mad at the situation I guess. She died suddenly last year around Thanksgiving. Before I got married, I used to joke with her that she needed to stick around until I found a man and got married because she was there for everybody else's weddings...and she did. Once I was married, I joked that she wasn't aloud to go anywhere until I had a baby...well as you can see, that didn't happen. Sadly, she died the month before I got pregnant. In the last 5 or so years since I have lived on the same side of town as my grandparents, I got to know them a little better since I visited them more often. I always enjoyed shocking them with my exploits of things I did that they may not have appoved of but I think they appreciated me sharing with them. It was fun to see her go from shocked and picking her jar off the floor to being a little more open minded about things everytime we talked. Anyway, I know she would have loved to see me go through all this baby stuff. I'm sure I could have made her blush several times with talk of baby making and everything I've experienced this year.
I guess the problem is that I'm somewhat jealous that she got to meet and experience Kylee and my other cousin's babies and she isn't around to see mine. I know she won't see Denise's new baby but it's not the same. This is my first and possibly only baby. She got to meet everyone else's first and second. Maybe it's selfish of me to think this way but it has been bugging me throughout this pregnancy for some reason. One thing that makes it okay I guess is the thought that maybe she just needed to hand deliver the message to God that Kim and Tony need a baby. After trying for 2 years with nothing happening, I was about to throw in the towel. But considering the fact that the month after she died, I got pregnant, I just like to think she wentup there and told God it was time for this to happen. I know she is watching all this happen from up there but it would have been nice for her to see it in person. Anyway, that's my random thought for the week. I'm just ready to have this baby now.

39 week appt

Here's my 39 week pic.

Still weighing in at 172, so I guess this baby is just eating all my calories. Good for me, hopefully okay for him. I don't want a 9 lb baby. I've been treating myself to a dessert pretty much everyday lately. :-) Dr. says he will probably top out at 8 to 8.5 if he goes to the due date. We talked induction today and the Dr. and I decided to schedule an induction for next Friday September 3 if the baby doesn't come by then. That way, he can deliver him and I won't have to wait until after the long weekend. I'm good with that.

He says I'm still about 2cm dilated but I'm 80% effaced, which I guess that's how soft my cervix is. Other than that, I was having a few little contractions today and I told him the baby isn't moving as much so he put me on the NST machine again. Everything looked great, the heartrate is still in the140s.

Friday will officially be my last day at work, if I make it that long. So glad to have to end dates now. One for work and one for the pregnancy. I will only be pregnant 9 more days at the most. AMEN! I hope I make it to this weekend.

Contractions and 38 week appt

Well, I got my first taste of REAL contractions yesterday. I woke up with pain in my upper abdomen which didn't go away all day. Good thing I had a dr. appt that morning. At work, I had my annual review, so I did that in case I wasn't coming back for whatever reason. Got a raise finally after a 2 year freeze. When to the doctor at 11 and got a growth ultrasound. Everything looked good and she said the baby is weighing around 7.5 pounds. He is in the 80 percentile which means he's a bit chubby but still in a decent range. As I was laying there, the pain in my abdomen was getting worse. When I went into my exam I told the doctor this as I starting tearing up from the pain. He checked me out and said I'm dilated between 1 & 2 centimeters and my cervix is softening which is all good news. He put me on this NST machine (I don't know what that stands for), which can basically tell if you are having real or fake contractions. I was on there for about 20 minutes. The baby was not really cooperating, he was sleeping. So they woke him up with this buzzer thing and then we could see that I was having a few real contractions but nothing to freak out about. they only went up to about 35 on the meter which is not bad if 100 is the highest. The doctor said if they don't go away, then they will put me into labor soon but if they do go away, they can come back in a day or two and just come and go for the next week or so until it puts me into labor. Well, I had a painful day with some more contractions but finally they let up around 10pm last night. Today I feel better but his movements are getting a little more painful. I'm not really looking forward to the pain of all this if what I had today was just a bleep on the radar of the really bad contractions. Pain meds are gonna be the first thing I ask for when I get to the hospital.

I weighed the same as last week 172. So I'm still at 26 pounds total so far. He said my dizzy spells and blurred vision are probably because I need to eat more or better. My hands still hurt alot everyday. Yesterday I could barely hold a pen in my left hand because my pointer finger hurt so much. Not much I can do about it though. I finally packed the hospital bag, at least for the most part. I'm sure there are some things I've forgetten but at least I've got something in there.

Done, done, and done

Got lots of things done this weekend. Last Wednesday my work gave me a little shower and a gift card to BRU. So on Friday, Tony and I took the day off to spend the day together. We went to lunch at Hamburger Mary's and I got some fried twinkies, YUM, then we saw The Expendables (his choice) and then we went baby shopping for our last bit of stuff we need (my choice). We had a $200 gift card so we got the Pack N Play, a swing, diaper bag, a some other little things.

On Saturday, my mom came over and helped me put together the PNP, swing and a book shelf. Thanks goodness she helped and we did it now because I am running out of gas. I don't know where people say they get a burst of energy at the end because I'm heading in the opposite direction. Tony got the garage in better shape but there is still more to do in there. We just need one car to fit right now, at this point, we can fit about a half a car.

Tony is so cute, I think he is trying to spend as much alone time with me as possible lately. He even came in and watched a chick flick with me on Saturday night with no complaints and I didn't even ask him to watch it. He just came in the living room and laid down on my lap and we watched the whole thing together. After it was over, I told him I was proud of him and he just said he watched it because he likes Kevin Klein movies. Uh huh, whatever you say. ;-) It's kinda sad but nice to see the change that has come over him in the last few weeks or months about all this. It's sad because we both realize that change is headed our way and we are both scared s**tless but we are coming together for it. But it's also neat to see him finally come to some sort of terms with it and I just know what a good dad he is gonna be. Whether he has faith in himself or not, I know he will be great. Between him, the cat and the dog, I'm feeling very loved in my house. I hope they all act this way when the baby gets here.

I've washed pretty much all the clothes and blankets etc. that I can. It took 4 loads but it's done. Pretty much I jsut need to pack the hospital bag now. I think I've been putting it off because I'm scared to pack it. I don't know. I really don't think this baby is coming until at least the end of next week but I just can't bring myself to pack that bag yet. Everyone is getting on me about it.

Baby has definitely dropped but it hasn't really eliviated any o f my issues. Acid reflux is still in high gear and now I have to pee even more. Tomorrow we get to see the baby one more time before he is an outside baby. Hopefully everything is going well and I've made some progress.

37 week pic

I look a little too excited in this picture.

37 week appt.

So the doctor thinks this baby is about 7 pounds already. I get another ultrasound next week so we can see what we are dealing with concerning size. I think he's gonna be an 8 pounder but what do I know. I'm just glad I get to see him again. His heartbeat was around 140 and she told me what I thought was his butt poking out at me is actually his knee or foot. I think he has definitely dropped this week. I think I can see it in the pictures and I have to go to the bathroom much more lately and I feel a little more lower pressure. Supposedly I gained 4 pounds in one week. I weighed in on a different scale that always makes me heavier than I am so I'll just wait until next week to see if I really ballooned or not. I don't think I did but who knows. So as of now I've gained 26 pounds. I am negative for the Strep test. Yeah! No antibiotics unless I have a c-section. Other than that, everything looks good and I still feel blah, which is to be expected I guess.

P.S. Yeah, I'm finally a watermelon. Aren't you excited mom?

37 weeks

Baby is moving like crazy the past few days. He actually hurt me yesterday. He must have rolled over of something because I jumped back from my chair in pain and had to stand up. But he just kept on moving like it was nothing. He has been very active this week. Hopefully that means he is making his way down and getting ready to come out. The past few days I've been waking up 5x a night to go to the bathroom. I thought it was bad when I woke up 3x a night. I hope that means some sort of progress is happening. The acid reflux is no better though. I don't know what has been my worse issue with being pregnant, but that is way up there.

Right now I'm so miserable and focused on getting him out that I keep forgetting (not really) about what happens once he is here. We are gonna be parents! We are responsible for this little creature forever or at least 18 years. :-) I complain about the sleepless nights now but I know a different kind of sleepless night is coming. At this point though, I look forward to only napping for 3 months while I'm off work, at least in a few weeks I will physically feel better and I'll just be tired, not both at the same time. At least that's what I hope.

Sadie and Joy are still all in love with me. I wonder if Joy will change once the baby gets here. She really couldn't care less about me before I got pregnant, now she is in LOVE with me. She almost likes me more than Tony now. Sadie is just doing a good job of being my protector. Wherever I am, she is not far away. She even guards the doorway when I'm taking a bath. She is jealous of Joy being around me so much but nothing I can do about that. She has been more vocal lately, trying to talk to me I guess. I think they will both do well in their own little way with the baby but there will be a big transition for everybody once he gets here.

Tony is still scared to death of what is coming. He's never really failed at much in his life, so I dont' know why he thinks he will be bad at all this. I think he will be great (as long as he doesn't sleep through every night feeding and diaper change). He is instinctually good with kids but he doesn't think he is. Everyone else can see it though. He is a 34 yr old big kid and I think that will be good and help him in these early years. He is worried that his heart is only big enough to love me and I told him that his heart will make room for this baby. There is almost no way he couldn't love it. We made this baby together, out of love and that is what we will get in return from it. He is also afraid of not being #1 in my life but I told him that we just have to make sure we make time for each other. I'm scared that because he's a boy, maybe they will like each other better than me and I'll be the odd woman out down the road. I don't think Tony really thinks about all my fears of what's happening or gonna happen. I have a lot of fears too.