Baby weight.........baby weight............baby freaking weight! Ugh!
I was one of those people that thought once I had the baby, the weight would just fall right off. And it did, just not all of it. I gained 28 lbs in pregnancy and I lost 18 lbs in about 3-4 weeks. That was back in September/October. Since then I haven't lost one pound. Too be honest, I've gained some of that weight back. I've never had a problem with weight before but I've also never really had to lose weight before. I haven't really tried to lose this weight but I keep saying this is the week I will start to eat better and I'll try to exercise but it just hasn't happened. I have an "excuse" for the exercise. I've got 2 bulging discs in my neck and I've been in constant pain for the past 2 months and pain off and on before that. But it seems the more pain I'm in, the more I eat. And I eat crappy. I feel sorry for myself and I eat a freaking donut and since I ate a donut, I might as well have a Mt Dew to go with it. Now the whole day is ruined so I might as well eat a candy bar for dessert. Why not? It's a viscious cycle.
Why is it that when you have a good body, you don't realize it and hide it and then once you start to realize what a good body you have, it starts to change on you? I had a good body in high school and college, but I covered it up and wore shirts over my bathing suit and never wore tank tops until I was in my mid 20s. I don't know why I didn't like my body other than insecurity but hind site is 20/20 and now I wish I flaunted and enjoyed that body while I had it. I know I can get that body back, but it just seems so much harder to get back there. Like I said, I haven't really tried to lose this weight yet. I've just been ignoring it and covering it up in blousy too big for me shirts which actually make me look fatter than I am. I realize I can say I just had a baby, but not for much longer. Once that 1st year is up, you can't really say you "just" had a baby and this is what's left of that journey. I'm sick of this weight and how I look in clothes. I've spent so much money on clothes in the past 9 months because I hate the way I look in anything. So I just go buy something else I can loathe after I wear it once or twice. And Tony wonders why I have so many clothes in my closet....because I hate them all but I gotta wear something so I give myself a lot of choices.
Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent about how I feel lately when it comes to weight. I am a very vain person. I don't want to be fat and I know that I'm not fat, just a little chubbier than I used to be. I want to work on it. I am feeling a bit better this week since I took some anti inflammitory meds for my neck and shoulders. I just need some discipline.