Friday, June 4, 2010

UF-of L

A while ago I was talking to my mom about how I don't understand these girls who say they fell in love with their baby the minute they got a + on a stick. I never knew how I would feel once I became pregnant but I knew it wouldn't be like that. I'm not built like that. This post may contradict that, but I'm just not all sappy and emotional like that. I knew I would be happy but I didn't know when the love would kick in. I figured it took me about 6 months to fall in love with Tony, how was I gonna fall in love with this kid without even meeting him? To me love is a process that takes time and this isn't any different. In the beginning all he did was make me feel sick and miserable and once that was over with all I did was worry if everything was okay with him. I knew I would protect him with everything I had but did that mean I loved him? I don't know. Even after seeing him on the ultrasounds I didn't feel like I was in love. But as time has gone by, I've grown to really like this person inside of me but I still thought that I would probably feel the love when I met him on the outside...until today.

Today, I fell in love with my baby. I don't know what is different about today but something just changed. Occassionally I'll call Tony on the phone from work or wherever and tell him I was just calling because at that moment in time, I'm having uncontrollable feelings of love for him, that makes his day and then we hang up and go about our business. Well, today I was just sitting in the car singing a random song on the radio, rubbing my belly and those same uncontrollable feelings came over me. But this time I wasn't thinking about Tony. It was all for this little boy I have yet to meet. It brought a tear to my eye (stupid hormones). He wasn't even moving around, he was still sleeping but something just clicked. So I guess I am in love with another boy now. I hope Tony won't be jealous, although he has already expressed how he is scared I will love the little guy more than him. I guess that's a normal feeling for guys to have.

P.S. I don't want sappy comments on this.

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