Pain

Last November, right before Thanksgiving, I fell when I was holding Jaxson.  He was only 2.5 months old and I was still in a new mother sleep deprived, just had a c-section haze.  Up until this point, I had only been able to hold him cradling both arms horizontally, but this day for whatever reason, I decided to start carrying him with his head over my shoulder.  That probably saved his life or some major injuries in the least. I had just finished nursing him in the office and I was going to give him to his grandparents in the living room.  Sadie, my dog, had been making a habit of sleeping in the doorways or right outside the doors if she was locked out of the room.  On this day, she was locked out of the office.  When I went to open the door, I put Jax with his head over my shoulder and went out of the room.  Without thinking, I turned the corner and began to walk and Sadie was right in my way.  As I tried to not step on her, she tried to move out of my way and in the process, we continued to trip over each other.  My mommy instincts kicked in and all I could do was try to save the baby because we were going down.  So, I threw Jax forward and held him like I had just caught a football in front of me.  I trippped over the dog and down we went.  I fell forward apprx 5.5ft down and fell on my knees and elbows, then flat on the floor.  If I had been holding Jax the way I normally did, he would have hit the door frame with his head and who knows what would have happened to him.  But God was definitely watching over him that day.  Jax slept the entire time and didn't even know what happened. He was perfectly fine. Sadie was a little shook up but for the most part she was fine.  I on the other hand took the brundt of the fall and ended up bruising and scraping my knees and elbows and bulging 2 disks in my neck.   Tony's parents ran to see what had happened and assess the damage. 

From that day, I have been in some sort of pain everyday and for the past 2.5 months the pain has been constant everyday. I have never been able to play with my baby without pain.  I can't hold him for very long or my arms get weak and my shoulders start to hurt.

I've been in physical therapy, had my body manipulated by an osteopathic doctor, traction on my neck, muscle relaxers and pain meds but they are all either temporary relief or they don't work at all.  Today, I went to get a steriod shot or nerve block in my neck to see if it will take the pain away, hopefully for good.  I have been such a wreck all week thinking about everything that could go wrong. I stupidly looked on the internet before I went and freaked myself out by what I read.  As of Tuesday I decided not to look anymore. I've really been trying to give it up to God and let him know that I trust in him and I know he will take care of me and my family.  It's just hard sometimes.  Shots in the neck are really scary but once we got there and the doctor explained everything, I really felt at peace with it and knew it would be okay.  It didn't hurt that he gave me some chill out medicine too. :-)   It wasn't as bad as I thought but I do have to go back 1-2 more times and do it again.  Hopefully this shot and the next will fix things and I won't have to have the 3rd one.  I just want to play with my kid and hold him and be able to do the normal things I used to be able to do without pain.  I've been a little depressed about it lately.  It just really sucks that it took us so long to get our baby and then when he's finally here, I can't do some of the things I want to do with him because of the pain.  I won't know if this injection is helping for a few more days and most likely I will be in more pain for a day or 2 so I'm just gonna pray that God will heal me or at least make this pain tolerable so I can enjoy my life and family to the fullest.